As a research assistant for the revised edition of Boy R. Dee’s Pastafarianism for Dummies
, I thought I should turn to the atheologians and philosophers here for assistance with the development of my thesis on Gnosticism. (Gnosis: the esoteric knowledge of spiritual truth held by the ancient Gnostics to be essential to salvation.)
I was shocked to learn how many historians and philosophers have failed to acknowledge that ancient texts on Gnosticism had their origins in Pastafarian oral history. Inaccuracies of scribes, poor translations have led to some basic misconceptions. But my initial readings reveal Gnosis is clearly derived from the Pastafarian word Gnocchi. And it is not salvation the Elders were trying to achieve, but instead it was salivation (so easy to drop one simple letter...) Through the Rites of Chianti followers learned to pronounce Gnocchi, understand Gnocchi, and achieve an enlightened state, followed by salivating. The enlightened state, known as AlDente, could only be reached by intensive study, meditation and years of carbo-loading.
The Gnostic (Gnocchic) view of god is pastatheistic, that is the Flying Spaghetti Monster dwells in all things pasta and via emanation, all things are pasta. Emanation explains the creation of the world by a series of radiations originating out of
the Flying Spaghetti Monster. When thinking of the visual representations of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, such an accurate description is uncannny.
I’m still early in my research, but soon I hope to know more about Cheeses and early Gnocchics. Indications are that a controversy about the main ingredient of the primordial ooze (potatoes vs. flour) was involved. And what about the later Gnocchics known as Strozzapreti (priest-stranglers)? This is clearly against modern day Pastafarian canon.
Of course, no Gnocchic commentary would be complete without reference to Sophia, the figure of wisdom in Gnocchism. We admire this figure even today in the great philosopher Sophia Loren, who once said, “All that you see is owed to spaghetti.”
May His Noodly Apppendages bless my work.
Life is a combination of magic and pasta. - Federico Fellini