Jude's Kitchen 1 also acceptably referred to as The Kitchen of Jude:
1Jude, a chef for the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and brother of James (sous chef), to them that are sanctified by His Noodliness, and preserved in His Noodly Appendages, and called:
2Noodles unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied. Unless you are not a breeder. Then be not multiplied. Unless you use a means other than the traditional means of insemination. Then be multiplied, at your discretion.
3Benoodled, when I took up silverware to cook unto you the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, lest my recipes go forgotten. Please see my published recipe book for that information, that ye should enter the faith which was once delivered unto the saints in a small bowl of noodles.
4For there are certain men and midgets creepy crawling, like the creepy crawling things that crawleth in Ghettisis, unnoodly men and midgets, turning from the grog of our God instead to soberness, and denying the Lord Pastaer.
5I will therefore put you in remembrance that His Noodliness really cares too little when He is drunk to smite you down. But should He sober up (Noodliness forbid), thou shalt surely be smitten!
6And the angels which kept not their first estate (they had quite a few estates, you see), He hath reserved in everlasting uncooked noodle shackles under darkness unto judgment. Though He probably will forget where He put them, and thus, they shall remain in darkness forever. And so might you.
7Even as that one place and the other place, and the cities that were relatively close to them, like, a few hours walk, giving themselves over to unnoodly things, and going after strange carbohydrates instead, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. Eternal, until they all are incinerated. Then they're simply gone.
8Likewise also these filthy dreamers (thou shalt not dream?) defile the pasta, despise hearty wenches, and speak evil of pirates.
9Yet Michael the archangel, His Noodliness's favorite, when contending with the Devil, the Antipasta, drunkenly raging about the body of Moses, said not to the Devil worthless insults, but said, The Lord rebuke thee, and thee art lily livered (a most grave insult, indeed, not worthless in the least)!
10But whosoever speaks evil of those things which they know not (particularly about His Noodliness): in those things they corrupt themselves (thanks be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for otherwise His Faithful would have to corrupt them, grueling work).
11Woe unto them! 'Nuff said, His Noodliness believes.
12And much apocalyptic talk shalt thou interject here! Interject, I say!
13Raging waves of marinara, for example.
14And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with one score score score and one quarter score score score of his saints,
15To execute judgment upon all. Unless He gives up to instead drink grog heartily.
16Let it be known that He does not look favorably upon complainers and whisperers. Speek thou up.
17But, benoodled, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the Faithful of our Lord the Flying Spaghetti Monster;
18How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts. Surely this shall hold true. Mockers finna mock the true Church.
19These be they who are Sauceless.
20But ye, benoodled, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Noodle,
21Keep yourselves in the love of His Noodliness, looking for the grog of the Lord Pastaer unto eternal life, where there is infinite grog and a factory of hearty wenches.
22And of some have compassion, making a difference:
23Cook thou well during life, that others may eat.
24Teach thou well, that others may learn.
25To His Noodliness be glory and majesty, doMinion and power, both now and ever. R'Amen.
27 Now please, get out of my kitchen.
Pastafarian Doctoral Dissertation
: AcceptedCompleted Works:BiblicalOP:Ghettisis (CH 1-10 complete)
He Who is a Servant of FSM
To Build or Not To Build
Covenant of OliveNP:Midas
2, 3 ParmaJohn
Confusion Analects: Book I
~~~~~Qapla', sak-khet, saith.~~~~~
~~~~~~Finna ilian un atra du~~~~~
~~~~~~evarínya ono varda.~~~~~~
~~~~Mára mesta, Eywa ngahu.~~~~
~~(tlhIngan, Rihannsu, Quenya...)~~