The Gospel of John the Pastafarian

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The Gospel of John the Pastafarian

Postby Scruffy05 on Tue May 02, 2006 4:42 am

I dunno, a pure stroke of inspiration:

The Gospel of John the Pastafarian

1. Hark, as I speak the words of which I proclaim to be truth,
2. That blessed be me whom His holy visage did come upon me,
3. And spoke unto to me as I ate of His body in holy worship;
4. “Yea shall be the tenets that I shall proclaim.â€￾ In a voice of no voice he spoke.
5. In the purest of words, he said unto me:
6. “Eat not of the Semolina, in it’s unfinished state,
7. For only when added with water, can it be considered complete.
8. For in life, as in pasta, there is need for balance and companionship.
9. And every ingredient has its own specific role.
10. And when choosing your sauce, choose of your heart,
11. For even in the simplest of forms, the sauce only compliments.
12. Whether it be meat, or cheese, or oil of the olive,
13. All such are equal, and equal they shall remain.
14. Spare you the meat balls, to only but a few,â€￾ and to this I beseeched:
15. “Truely, your Noodliness, I am but a humble servant, though I must confess
16. I cannot restrict myself this pleasure, for I do admit
17. I am in love with my meat, and I am in love with my balls.â€￾
18. And the Flying Spaghetti Monster touched me with his noodly appendage
19. And said unto me “Surely my son, I do understand,
20. But what if you fill of the meat and the balls? Then you will not have tasted
21. The gloriousness of the pasta which has been presented unto you.â€￾
22. And I humbled myself, and listened to his truth,
23. For in life, as in pasta, there is need for balance and companionship.
24. And every ingredient has its own specific role.
25. And the Flying Spaghetti Monster did speak unto me:
26. “Take not the garlic on into excess,
27. For it is a privilege and not yours by right.
28. If thou heedeth not this warning, then let thy body be plagued,
29. Until the end of the night, with gas and bloating and breath that is foul.
30. And take not the parmesano on into excess,
31. For it is a privilege and not yours by right.
32. If thou heedeth not this warning, then let thy body be plagued,
33. Until the end of the night, with gas and bloating and breath that is foul.
34. Heed of these warnings, as you eat of My Body,
35. And proclaim them to thy world around,
36. That what is spoken is truth, and through this truth is happiness
37. For through these words you’ll keep friendship, and through friendship good nights.â€￾

I am particularily in love with line 17. Am I on the right track? Would you like more Gospels according to John the Pastafarian? (Currently, me, unless it has been otherwise taken.) I do not have my copy of the Pastafarian Gospel yet so this may already have been used.
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Postby Dr. Otis Lansa on Tue May 02, 2006 10:49 am

Keep at it... Scriptures has fallen a little by the wayside lately, but it's a worthy cause.

Have a peek around Scriptures to see some of the stuff other users have added as well.

15. “Truely, your Noodliness, I am but a humble servant, though I must confess
16. I cannot restrict myself this pleasure, for I do admit
17. I am in love with my meat, and I am in love with my balls.â€￾
18. And the Flying Spaghetti Monster touched me with his noodly appendage
19. And said unto me “Surely my son, I do understand,
20. But what if you fill of the meat and the balls? Then you will not have tasted
21. The gloriousness of the pasta which has been presented unto you.â€￾


ROFLMAO! :D
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Postby Scruffy05 on Tue May 02, 2006 12:01 pm

How often do I get to sum up my views on life, love and pasta in one 37 line prose.

I'm actually really quite proud of this, considering I wrote it at 1:30 in the morning... 8)

And I tried like hell not to rhyme the damn thing... I didn't want a poem. :P
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Postby Joy of Pasta on Wed May 03, 2006 5:47 pm

Is this the John that did bathe and pastasise His Noodliness? And who in a much later century appeared before Guiseppe Smith with the Book of Latter Day Pastas advising multiple servings?

I praise your appetite with great praise.
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Postby GatorDuck on Mon May 22, 2006 1:10 pm

And let us pray.

Our monster, thou art the pasta
Hallowed be thy sauce
Thy cheese has come
Meatballs are done
On plate as they are in saucepan
Give us this day our garlic bread
And forgive us our gasses
As we forgive those who spew gas among us
And lead us not into excessive indulgence
But deliver us from anti-pasta
For thy art the carbohydrates
And the protein and the dairy
Forever and ever.

Ramen
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I think I am, therefore I am, I think... -GatorDuck ala des carte
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Postby Shinikami on Fri May 26, 2006 3:32 pm

RAmen.
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Postby Swatopluk on Sat May 27, 2006 10:37 am

Not bad at all. Have you also tried the creed?
Onward noodly pirates!
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Postby Michelangelo on Sat Jun 03, 2006 2:04 pm

GatorDuck wrote:And let us pray.

Our monster, thou art the pasta
Hallowed be thy sauce
Thy cheese has come
Meatballs are done
On plate as they are in saucepan
Give us this day our garlic bread
And forgive us our gasses
As we forgive those who spew gas among us
And lead us not into excessive indulgence
But deliver us from anti-pasta
For thy art the carbohydrates
And the protein and the dairy
Forever and ever.

Ramen


I cannot help but share praise for this reply! Is this original or an official work? I am awaiting the arrival of The Book; a wait that becomes more difficult each day.
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Postby heinous on Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:12 pm

There was a version that went thusly, as seen here http://www.venganza.org/sighting/25.htm :

Our Pasta who art in red sauce
hallowed be thy meatballs.
thy boiling comes
thy salting done
on earth as it is in marinara
give us this day our garlic bread
and forgive us our pirate plunderings
as we forgive those who pirate against us
Lead us not to fake parmesan cheese
but touch us with your noodly appendage
for thine is the semolina, and the two eggs and the olive oil
all mixed as one.

I would propose the following modifications:

Our Monstor who art in red sauce
Hallowed be thy meatballs.
Thy boiling come
Thy salting done
In a pot, topped with marinara
Give us this day our garlic bread
And forgive us our pirate plunderings
As we forgive those who pirate against us
Lead us not to fake parmesan cheese
But touch us with your noodly appendage
For thine is the semolina, and the two eggs and the olive oil
Mixed as one, forever and ever.
RAmen
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