Enlargement adds - post them here

[DaveL]

Gang...

I'm sick of logging on to me email account to find my inbox full of stuff about getting a certain body part getting enlarged.
Is it really that popular? Do we need to be emailed about it every day? What if you are really are satisfied and get called "Big Boy"
by all of your 133 girlfriends? Hey, what if you are an elderly grandmother?

I've had my word filter set up to instantly delete any incoming emails with the words "penis""dick" and "quarter pounder" for years now.
Yet those crafty enlargement people continue to foil my trusty cyber traps.

So to honour these brilliant wordsmiths, I thought we might start a thread demostrating how you can reword an email 10000 different ways
about the same stupid topic.

So next time you log on to your spammy email account and get an enlargement add, post the title right here.

Let's see how many there really are.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

I've never got one - but I do get lots of those "Your computer could be a television!" emails, and the obligatory Nigerian ones.

[PantyGnawer]

I walked into the spam file and pulled out this gem today!

become one of well-hung mates!

It was ads for Kolaloka lemonade and cialis!


Edit: Hey! The spam filter got me! That were seeeposed tah say Viaaaaaaarrrrrggggggggggraaaaaa!

[black bart]

Oh dear I just found this way down the list in my in box:

Your message to recipients

?????@????

failed content analysis

Analyser output:
Element 4, Text, scored -1 for rule Offensive/Sexual, phrase tits

[PantyGnawer]

Um bartie, um. Would uh yer mind forwarding that tah me? Ya know, fer research.

[black bart]

Um bartie, um. Would uh yer mind forwarding that tah me? Ya know, fer research.

Certainly matey, and it should help with the enlargement problem:

[PKMKII]

A friend of mine once ordered a catalog from one of these companies purely for humor purposes (said friend being a woman), and the best part of the thing was a line saying "Having a big penis is a license to have sex with beautiful women for the rest of your life."

I just find the idea of "a license" to be hilarious, as if you have to go down to the DMV every 8 years to get it renewed.

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

Certainly matey, and it should help with the enlargement problem:

Bart, mee bruddah, mahalo fo' those nice ear-warmers!! (they'll be used for research purposes only)

[Roy Hunter]

I didn't get offered enlargement - I think I was offered an apiary:

Best way of beeing!

http://www.******.com

[DaveL]

Nothing about enlargements this morning...

However I did get a 27 YO Armenian lady looking for love.

Hello! How are you? Likely, you will be now surprised. I have received
the love Internet dispatch. In that letter was spoken about love
relations between people. In the list e-mail addressees, I have
seen your e-mail (ROFL!!!). I consider, that the given chance for me unique,
therefore I have decided to write to you. I wish to find the true
love!

I would like to begin our acquaintance, with the small story about me.
My name is Arevik. To me 27 years. I was born in not the big city
which is called Ararat. I the quiet, young, purposeful girl. I conduct
a healthy way of life. I do not smoke and I do not take alcohol.
I have work which very strongly I love. But I do not have not enough
love. I am assured, that on our planet, there is a person who can
present to me happiness and love!

I search for the real man who will love, and to respect me. I consider,
that this main thing in relations. I would like to find out you in
more details. I wish to get acquainted with you more close, by means
of e-mail. It will be for us easier variant.

You can write to me. I with pleasure will answer
you. And certainly, I will send you my photos. I with impatience will
wait your letter to me, with more detailed story about you. I am
assured, that we become good friends. Your faithfully friend from
Armenia, Arevik!

Hey cmon, we know you are just some gangster with a computer.

[PantyGnawer]

Dave, iffin you haint gonna jump on that, please forward her right along please!

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

Heavy duty state filters keep all that caca outta my inbox. <yawn>
Oh, well.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

Hey, what if you are an elderly grandmother?

Well, I'm not exactly elderly, but I am a grandmother - and my eircom inbox is daily stuffed with the enlargement ads inviting me to be the best and biggest boy on the block.

That's why I switched to Hotmail. I just log into my old account once a month to delete several hundred junkmails.

Anyway, how many of them out there can claim like I can that they actually had two penises for several months?

[PantyGnawer]

I'm not sure if I even want you to elaborate.

[DaveL]

Dave, iffin you haint gonna jump on that, please forward her right along please!

Oh darn, I hit the delete button...PG, the next 'lady from very exotic country looking much love' I will send to you DAH! Just don't tell your other half