Corrupt a wish.

[Edd]

Granted. Welcome to the Borg.

I wish I could orchestrate the singularity (I'd sell admission tickets).

[Ubi Dubius]

Granted, but now that we're all one, you have to share the ticket money.

I wish my debts were paid off by a mysterious benefactor.

[Roy Hunter]

Granted. Gadaffi has to do something with all that money.

I wish this damn cold would go away.

[gronank]

Granted, you now have a melting nuclear reactor in your back garden.

I wish I could sleep in tomorow.

[Edd]

Granted. You now have absolutely nothing to motivate you into getting out of bed.

I wish others were as excited about my ideas as I am.

[Arkaeon]

Granted, and we've already filed patent claims for any invention you might ever think up. No royalties for you.

I wish I had some spiced rum.

[Ham Nox]

This seller makes no comment as to the radioactive content of their products.

I wish my dog could make up its mind about whether it wants to go outside or not.

[gronank]

granted, it will go outside and never come back

I wish my shoes were fashionable

[Roy Hunter]

Granted. A mugger shoots you and steals them because they are so fashionable. While you are lying bleeding in the street, some rats eat your hair and a priest touches you inappropriately.

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow.

[TwistedSister]

Granted, you get fired because your boss thinks you've been messing with his wife and he also informed your wife about it, so now you are also getting a divorce.

I wish my cats would always keep their fannies inside the litter box while pooping.

[Ubi Dubius]

Granted, but to be sure, they never take their fannies out of the box. They just drag it around the house using only their fore feet.

I wish my per diem were higher.

[Roy Hunter]

Granted. The Escobar family always look after their enforcers well (seeing as their career is usually so short).

...you get fired because your boss thinks you've been messing with his wife

My boss is a woman. So is her boss. So is her boss. In fact, there are no Y chromosomes in my chain of command right up to director level. More than 90% of the people in my department are women. I've got to fight the power!

I wish I didn't have to fight the power.

[daftbeaker]

Granted. Flava Flav moves into your offie to fight the power for you. The rest of Public Enemy said they were sorry but they couldn't make it.

I wish children could arrange within themselves to all turn up at the same time so I don't have to give up my lunchtime and an hour after school to watch them do a test.

[Roy Hunter]

Granted. They all turn up at your door, out of their brains on WKD and Red Bull, at three in the morning, and drip kebab sauce all over your carpets.

Flava Flav moves into your offie to fight the power for you.

He moves into my off-license? That's an unusual move, but it might work...

I wish I had an off-license.

[daftbeaker]

Granted. Unfortunately Glasgow City Council subcontracts the forms to me and you end up owning an offal licence.

I wish my error spotting skills hadn't suddenly disappeared