GOSPELS

[Solipsy]

No rules, of course, just a suggestion(?): think Matthew, Mark, Luke, John kinda stuff. Of course, Bobby is kinda the Yeshua, here... If what you've written is a Noodly-inspired Gospel, put it in this thread. This is just for purposes of organization so the person who assembles the Loose Canon doesn't go nuts trying to do on his/her own.

Yours in sauce,
Solipsy

[iylana23]

At Last! A chance to write the gospel according to Iylana! *rubs hands together* and mine is going to have a TON of smiting..

[Qwertyuiopasd]

so we get to make up a character, give him a religous story involving the FSM, and make it cool?

if Yes, then make way for FEARSOME PIRATE PETE! terror of the salty seas.
"i don't likes them freshwater. not salty enough fer me."

I'll probably just write in in word, then posts it on my webspace, with a linke to it here. of course, its hosted by my rather christian grandfather, but he'll just think its a joke.

is there any time frame for when this should happen? could it take place in the 1600's when there were pirates, but recorded history, or should it all take place in a biblicla setting?

[Solipsy]

Know what... Be as freak-ball as ya want! I think Pirate Pete would be hilarious. Gospels are supposed to be about Bobby, though... fictional accounts of direct encounters with him. You're lookin at a history, OR a testimonal, methinks

[verbtea]

The Flying Spaghetti Monster's prophets should consider receiving the Word of Glob in many forms.

Not that I have anything against the Flaming Shrubbery God, or his son whose trials included a fatal bout with a couple of logs and unfortunately placed hardware. But still. Gospels are only one form of religious literature, y'know.

I'm holding out for the FSM-inspired Meataball-Eata, a saucier version of Hindu scripture (The Baghavad-Gita).

Or the Meatabala (like the Norse peoples' Kalevala).

Certainly His noodly goodness extends beyond the familiar constraints of X-tiantity, as should Word of his tasty deeds.

[Solipsy]

The Word of Glob!!!! That is SO gettin' used, dude/dudette. consider it stolen. As for other forms of religious text, notice the threads for Psalms, Letters, Proverbs, Revelations, etc.... all that's going in, as well.


As for the grain-product, sauce-covered inspired texts of other cultures, I claim no familiarity or authority. You're on your own.

[Qwertyuiopasd]

I think Pirate Pete would be hilarious. Gospels are supposed to be about Bobby, though... fictional accounts of direct encounters with him. You're lookin at a history, OR a testimonal, methinks

correction, FEARSOME pirate pete. it's like a title. so DONT. DIS. THE PIRATE! Ke? good.

so its ain't gonna be a GOSEPEL per se, but definlty a sotry in the bible named after and about *Fearsome* pirate pete. like Jonah or that boat guy.

question. i read somewhre that out of the ocean came Pesto the midget, the first Pirate, and the serpent Atkins. whats the first pirates name? or is that just crap somone posted on here? (he actually said the FSM rose too, but thats impossible)

[Solipsy]

yeah, I do think yer right re: bobby does not equal Jesus. We're not gonna sacrifice him, after all. Rest of points well taken, and i'm not da boss a you. Maybe he's more of a Mohammed, w/o all the jihad stuff?

and FEARSOME Pirate Pete it shall be. "Pirate Pete" sounds like some character from a fast-food seafood joint. You're right. He MUST be FEARSOME!

Gospels, as they appear in the bible at least, are the four books which centralize on direct encounters with Jesus, as they were supposedly passed down from direct observers. None of the four, Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John, were ACTUALLY there, and all four accounts disagree in places, or leave certain parts out, or focus on different events in slightly different orders. All agree on son of god/crucifixion thing.

The rest of the books are stuff other people did, stuff they saw, stuff they are trying to explain, visions they had, or the ramblings of marginally insane people (book of Revelations).

[Qwertyuiopasd]

alrighty then. i haves the beginings of FPP, its like, three paragraphs. Tell me what you think. give me as much critizisem and compliments as you like. I'll probably re-vamp this alot.


Once, before the time of the great Beards, or even of Sir Francis Drake, there was a pirate, feared more than fear itself, and his name was Mad Jack the Deadly.
But this story is not about him. It involves him, but he was kind of a jerk. This story is about Fearsome Pirate Pete. Pirate Pete was your average Pirate, a little more brawn than brains, but still very clever. He sailed with a captian by the name of Smithee in the Caribbean. Smithee often left the crew guarding this ship while he went into town, occaisionally coming back with some reddish sauce-like stains on his mouth. The pirates, being simple-minded as they were, and the captian was rather sophistaced, they figgerd it was some kind of food. Or blood, they weren’t quiet sure, but when ever any of the rookies asked about it, he gained 582 and a half lashing, so they kept them mouths shut.
One day their captian did not return in five hours, which was long enough to announce him legally dead in the Caribbean at that time, so Pirate Pete and his best mate, Tiny, the Midget, decided to search for him. They found him in the alley behind an itallian grog bar. On his dead chest was a lone noodle. Pete instintivly ate it, and started feeling dizzy. His first thought was it was poison, but soon an image of the FSM came into not-so-clear view. he heard unto himself a voice like no other saying, “beware, for the atkins is after your kind.â€￾ The vision dissapreard, and Pete promptly fell face forward into a pile of old food and rat dung.
He woke up to gun fire and shouting. “whart the hells going on?â€￾ Tiny, being a canadain replied, “Mad Jack’s pillaging, eh.â€￾ “well get the bloody hell off me and start looting ya scavras swab! We’ll stow away on his ship and sail there.â€￾ Pete said this without thinking, as usual, but what he did not know was that his words were guided by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. “ow’d you know our old crew left Eh?â€￾ “they did? THOSE DAMN BASTARDS!â€￾ Pirate Pete then went on to loot in a raving madman fashion.
They did stow away on his ship, and blended in quiet well. They made good conversation with the second mate, Nikta. One day, after about a month of pillaging islands, Mad Jack came out of his cabin to talk to the crew. “In light of me first mate’s death, me second mate’s now me first mate. But who’ll be my second mate now hmm? You there! Yer not one of my pirates! Where the hell’d ye come fromâ€￾ he pointed at Pete. “d’ahar, ah confess, me and me bro stowed away fer we were left behind when we got… uh… drunk at a bar somehwheres.â€￾ “WE’LL YER ME SECOND MATE A SCALAWAG! NEXT TIME DON’T BE THINKING ABOUT STEALING AWAY ON ME SHIP YA HEAR?â€￾ “aye cap’n.â€￾


later there will be encounters with Ninjas and Vikings, mutainy, Midgets, Pasta, and possibly a garage band.

oh! and of course, Temptation by Atkins. In addition to critizisem and compliments, I'd love your ideas for the story.

[Solipsy]

totally awesome
so for seriously awesome
I can't wait for the next installment

[DaveL]

OK Solipsy,

This is my first go at this.

THE BOOK OF MIDGETS: A PREQUEL TO THE BOOK OF MIDGITS

Part 1. The Curse of The Bald Midget

In the days when the Flying Spaghetti Monster combed the Bobby mountain, he looked upon the Earth and saw that the land was devoid of chosen subjects. In his awesome noodly hugeness, The FSM cast his noodly appendage forth over the Bobby mountain and said with a noodly growl,

"Send forth my beloved subjects! 'Be they small and capable of head butting tall people in the groin' 'Let they be capable of acting as mobile beer holders' 'Let they be thrown many a mile during dwarf throwing competitions ' and 'Let they be they capable of riding many a good winner at the races'. "

And into the world the Midgets did come. For they were extremely cute and cuddly. The bald midgets were sometimes confused by the FSM with sticks of roll on deoderant. This amused the FSM greatly who named the bald midgets 'The Rexona' or ' The Rexonii' (plural). But extremely cute and cuddly they were.

In the early days the midgets grew much Basil and Herbs. And in the absence of protein in the diet, they did not grow tall. And the leader of their tribe was Mini-me. For he was so loved by the FSM for his baldness, that he was spared from further midget gags as an act of charity.

One day following the Basil harvest, Mini-me and the tribe grew restless and longed for the addition of minced beef in their pasta penne. But Mini-me knew the additional protein may have forced him to grow tall, thereby forefeting his venerable midgetness. This would also forfeit his right to receive kids portion meals at McDonalds, which was a real bummer.

And the FSM did appear unto Mini-me and the midget tribe and spoke.

"Look guys, I'm really sorry for the really bad midget gags at your expense. But it's really boring being a supreme being sometimes."

And the midgets did cheer sending forth high fives all round with their pudgy fingers and hands.

"A sign of my good measure I will allow you to add ground beef, provided you maintain a balanced diet and don't grow tall."

And the midgets did but hoop and holler in their tiny little voices and sung Randy Newman songs in his honour (you can guess which one).

"Praised be unto His Noodly Appendages" they cried with their helium filled voices.

And in a bid to overcome their protein deficiency, the midgets set forth to slaughter everything that moved on the face of the earth. For they did slaughter the armadillo, the antelope, the aardvaak and all other animals between the letters A-Z. And Mini-me did thus say:

'Dude killing all these creatures sure beats the hell out of growing basil and herbs.'

And there was great noodly happiness on the slopes of Bobby Mountain.

For theirs was the kingdom of protein!!

[Qwertyuiopasd]

but shouldn't Mini-me be pesto, see-ing as mini-me was created by the dude who wrote Austin Powers, and Pesto is defintly the First midgit/midget?

also, whats the difference between midgit and midget?

[DaveL]

Hi Qwerty,

It's very subtle really. Have a look at Bobby's picture of the midget/midgit. He's spelt it differently on seperate occasions. This means writing another holy scripture about Midgits.

I was thinking of making Part 2 or Part 3 conflict saga between the Midgets vs Midgits. Will have a go at Part 2 shortly.

Cheers,

Dave

[Qwertyuiopasd]

aye, but still, why not Pesto instead of Minnie-me?

[DaveL]

aye, but still, why not Pesto instead of Minnie-me?

I was looking for a famous bald midget, and Mini-me is the obvious choice.
Bald midgets are the brunt of many wicked gags by the FSM. Being both bald and a midget is a bummer in many regards.

Given their original vegetarian status and basil growing, it would be hard to name yourself after the food you grow. Their arn't too many vegetable farmers running around called "Carrot". Unless you are a Basil farmer named Basil of course!

He's the FSM's most beloved midget - a chip off the old pasta bowl, so I'll stick with Mini-me for now. The pasta products can be dealt with in Books 2 and 3.