Career advice for the little blaggards

[DaveL]

YArrrrrr...

Mateys,

The world of piracy is a career choice not for the faint hearted. It be a lifestyle, rather than a career choice.

Bein a pirate takes a lot of work, heck just think of all expenditure ye have to endure to get started:

There's all that study and weapons training to do.
Purchasin' the correct prosthetic limb is a nightmare
Findin the right parrot takes lots of time
Purchasin the right galleon is a right pain in the butt.

Given the vast experience on this board, Oi wuz wunderin if ye had any career advice for our aspiring young 'seaborne murderers and pillagers'.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Argh, this be a good oidea! We kin impart our Wisdim an' Hexperiyence an' sech.

Well, oi've got a few nuggets o' Advice fer the wee yungstarrs:

1. Nivvir eat beans afore a battle, for when ye be swingin' onna the enemies' deck wit' yer cutlass in yer teef meens ye could shoot roight ova tharr bloody ship!
(The lads onna uvver boat warr reel noice-loike aboot that. They fished me oota the watarr an' gave me a blankit an' sum hot chockit. Happarently, the preveeyoos summer, they ate a tin o' hexpired beans each an' didnae need cannons!)

2. Ye dun' hold the sharp end ove the cutlass, ye hold the safe end!

3. Be nice to yer Ol' Mam, jus' dun sell 'em to the Aztecs, or ye'll turn out Welsh!

[DaveL]

Argh, this be a good oidea! We kin impart our Wisdim an' Hexperiyence an' sech.

Well, oi've got a few nuggets o' Advice fer the wee yungstarrs:

1. Nivvir eat beans afore a battle, for when ye be swingin' onna the enemies' deck wit' yer cutlass in yer teef meens ye could shoot roight ova tharr bloody ship!

YArrrr...Oi've found taken a few beans on board can come in handy, if we ye be runnin out of ammunition.
There be nuthin like a bit of gas weaponry when ye be backed into a corner matey.

2. Ye dun' hold the sharp end ove the cutlass, ye hold the safe end!

yarrrr...that's hexplain a few missin fingers on some of me crew matey!

3. Be nice to yer Ol' Mam, jus' dun sell 'em to the Aztecs, or ye'll turn out Welsh!

Yaaaar...there a few human sacrifices worth pursuin on that front!

Here's one...

When yer selectin a parrot, make sure ye get one with a low 'seed:poop' ratio. Cleanin yer cabin can be a right chore at the best of times. So gettin a low poopin polly be a sound investment.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Arr, that be sum good avoice fer the wee tackers.

Concernin' parrots:

Dun git wun wif a big beak! They bite yer hoop earrin's orf, an' that ain't plezzint inna heat o' battle!

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

Umm, lessee--yez kin nivver bee too owerdress'ed (fink abaht itte:da more crappe ya gotte 'angin' off ye, da 'arder itte bee t' gette da pointye-ende uv a cutlasse intae yer vitals), an' trye notte t' lose too manie teef afore ya begin pyratickal-type hak-tivvy-tees, yull knead as manie as ye kin spare fer da en'less FHS/ratatouille fry-ups..

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Sound advice indeed there Capn Dan. Can ye buy peg-teeth? If so, O'ill be needin a full set for my mouth.

[black bart]

[PantyGnawer]

Ayyyyy Bartie! Ow do thee party poppers on yer chest come hinto play durin yer raidin parties?

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Ayyyyy Bartie! Ow do thee party poppers on yer chest come hinto play durin yer raidin parties?

Aftarrwerds, wen the blaggards frow a party, oi ass-yoom!

[Inner Child]

'ere should be special courses teaching us beginners how to tell a schiavona frem a cutlass. 'ere ain't even a word fer cutlass in me native language. In culture 'tis coded that a poirate uses a rapier.
Any oideas on 'ow to persuade ye ol' folks frem giving ye a sabre?

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

'ere should be special courses teaching us beginners how to tell a schiavona frem a cutlass. 'ere ain't even a word fer cutlass in me native language. In culture 'tis coded that a poirate uses a rapier.
Any oideas on 'ow to persuade ye ol' folks frem giving ye a sabre?

Argh, oi got me first sabre from me Gran by holdin' a butter knoife upe ta 'er froat an' said "Yer sabre oar yer loife, granny!"

[pieces o'nine]

Fer wot hits werf, Inner Child, DTH's granny dint rilly giv'im a sabre. She giv'im a spork an he dint no thee diffrints huntil 'e henrolled in thee Portsmouth Pyrate Publicke High School.

[Detective TurtleHolmes]

Fer wot hits werf, Inner Child, DTH's granny dint rilly giv'im a sabre. She giv'im a spork an he dint no thee diffrints huntil 'e henrolled in thee Portsmouth Pyrate Publicke High School.

Aye... But it was a very sharp spork! Oi did poke quite a nummer o' fellas inna todgers wit' that piece o' werk!

[Dan (dat haole dude)]

Umm, alla beste, bruddah bart wif yer noo skool..butte oi gottes t'tell ya dat oi've allus tol' mee keiki* "nivver truste a pyrate wot stille gottes bowf 'ands"..[oi coulde bee wronge..oi wuz oncet--'twere inne '06, oi fink]


*keiki:Why-an fer "keeds"..bowf myne owne an' alla calabash cuzzins 'n' whatteknotte dat show uppe fer fambly too-doos..

& Inner Child..welcome! noice avatarrrgh..an' no b'leeve DeTH much abaht 'is little toy poker--PPPS tooke itte awa' frum 'im--'e wuz "forkin' " around wit' it too much

[PantyGnawer]

Fer wot hits werf, Inner Child, DTH's granny dint rilly giv'im a sabre. She giv'im a spork an he dint no thee diffrints huntil 'e henrolled in thee Portsmouth Pyrate Publicke High School.

They dain't lern em nuthin. Eee were ina PPPHS "slow program". Ya no "ridin tha short skooner".

Thay di int teech em about a cutlas. Thay just clipped the sharp points off is spork and taut im tah fence wit it.