Dear Auntie Blackbeard... Yer piratical problems solved here

[black bart]

Dear Auntie

I be exceedinglee trubbled by thee image o thee young man above...

Arrrgghhh matey... iffin ye lookeded a little loike the yung lad an' a lot less loike yerself Oi reckun Arntie'd tickle yer fancy fer yer.

Wiv her beard she certainlee would matey an no mistake!!!

[Griffin]

Deer Antwy Blackfiddle

Oi be 'avin terrribel trubbel wiv me teef. Me dentist h'insisted on paintin' em wite h'insted o' the yusual black. Wot can I do ter rectifiey the sityuassiun?

Yrs
Cap'n Treadmill-Worthy

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Dear Cap'n Treadmill-Worthless

I suggests ye visits thee Admiral Benbow on a Saturday Nite an refuse ta pay yer tab at thee end o thee nite...ye'll soon ave plenny o black teef!

Regards,

Auntie

[black bart]

Dear Auntie

Hever since I haquired a gyant tankard, me bar tabbe has been gallopin out orf all proporshun wiv me finaanshul status. Can yew reckomend a handy source o cash hadvancement wot I can pay orf in easy hinstallments over thee next forty years?

Yours

Bart

[DavidH]

Dear Bart,

Sail yer ship to Greece and borrow a million Cronans off of thee Germans. Yer'll get it easy.

Cap'n Dave

[black bart]

Dear Bart,

Sail yer ship to Greece and borrow a million Cronans off of thee Germans. Yer'll get it easy.

Cap'n Dave

That be thee best hadvice wot Aunty never gave...I shall komishun a Greek Trirem an float about Corphew semaphorin thee German Government for a small loan orf 8 Billion Euro-Cronans...they wont heven pause ta swallow thee sauerkraut.

[Griffin]

Deer Anti BlackForestGateuax

I as ter hav the blud taken owtme arm termorrer. Can yr remind me, which way up thye will 'ang me didy wile they do it, h'ownlee between ye an' me, I am not too soor wot Oi got in me pokkets. I know Oi got nuffin between me ears but I'm no too boterred abow that. Also, wot siz cutlass will they use?

Your s not ('hat least OI downt fink I am)

Cap'n Lord Lordy Tradmill-Featherygills

[Rev. Rowan Redbeard]

Dear Aunty Blackbeard,

The woman I love and have been with for nigh onto three years has come to the conclusion that she isn't in a position to be involved in a long-term relationship.

As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with her.



What do I do now?

—Captain the Reverend C.S. Rowan, Esquire., Gentleman Pirate

[bacon]

Deoir Anntee B,

Me froind allwees fergets ta soive sour cream wif da potato skoins . . . Wut cin Oi do ta help 'im ta rememmmmbargh?

Fank ye,

Me

[black bart]

Deer Auntie Black Sausage

Wot thee ell be sower creeem?

Can ye put it in thee Fyshe Heade Stooo?

Yours Nautically

A Salty Sea Dogge

[bacon]

Deer Anntiee,

Bart's feesh hed stoo haid sum strainge whyte goo oin it.

Oi'm scaryed.

- Bacon

[Roy Hunter]

Dear Auntie,

Some blaggard gave me shower gel and bubble bath for Monkey.

Does this mean I have to start washing?

*scratch scratch*

Roy.

[black bart]

Dear Auntie

Referrin to thee larghst person's henquiree...

I got some shower gel larghst Monkey an I has refoosed ta yoose it so far...

a.Will it elp wiv thee smell?

b.Will it lather up wiv salt water?

c.Owe do I gets me pants orf after all these years?

[Auntie Blackbeard]

Dear Stinky Pants

Didn't yer deeeeeeer ol muvver tell ye ta take a bath at least once a year...whether ye needs it or not.

I should be grateful me Agony Auntin is on a distance comoonikashun basis!

[Griffin]

Dear Anty Black Puddin'

Wy is ther such a lot o' nastee smells in 'ere? Me new pet dog wot I got "just" fer Monkey wer all confused. (That wer befoor 'e 'ad ter be put down fer Twelth Nite. )

Yoors

Lordy Lord Earl Treadmill-Surplus-Rapping-Paper