Whinging Pensioner Pirate Rant

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Papers

Postby black bart on Fri Aug 25, 2006 5:49 am

BBBAARRR...don't talk to me about News Papers. In my day we had proper News Papers, none o this tabloid trash. They were printed on Triple Elephant size paper and ye could use em as a sail! Never mind Fish n Chips Ye could eat Whale and Chips out of em!
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Re: Papers

Postby DaveL on Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:03 am

black bart wrote: Ye could eat Whale and Chips out of em!


YArrrr...

Leave Brenda's mates alone yer blaggards! In my day, Oi used ter go fishing without a net.

Oi used to position me Arggghhh 7500 over a shoal of fish, dive in and catch 'em with me teeth.
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teeth

Postby black bart on Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:08 am

GGGAARRR, Ye ave a woman's teeth...

I'll wager those teeth never had to bite their way through 4 inches of Spanish Steel to escape the clutches o The Spanish Inquisition's suprise comfy chair attack!
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Postby Griffin on Sat Aug 26, 2006 5:51 pm

In my young days yer culd get anythin mended. Now Oi cant get me peg leg fixed fer any price. Got ter buy a whole damned new un. No wunder thers such trubles wiv Pirates fightin each other to grab all the tresure.
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Postby DaveL on Sat Aug 26, 2006 6:34 pm

YArrrr...

Speakin of galleons, what's with all these fully imported el-cheapo galleons they be makin' in Korea. That 'Hyun-dog' has plastic everything: plastic sails, plastic masts, plastic anchors, plastic cannons.

Getting a 5 year warrantee and air-conditioning will do yer no good if yer gotta engage in a naval battle. Yer ship'll end up meltin'...YArrrr..!!
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Postby DaveL on Sun Aug 27, 2006 5:28 am

YArrrr...

O'id say you'd be referrin to Big Ron there Lord Gainless Sidedish Poutboddy.

Damn feisty that one, especially after a big night on the chilli. Stay away from the docks by all means.

Back in my day, the Big Ron's were so powerful, we could power a large factory with one.
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Beans

Postby black bart on Sun Aug 27, 2006 5:53 pm

YYYAAARRRR...The wind were far more consistant in my day...we had beans for lunch, beans for dinner and beans for breakfast (and fourteen tankards of Hangman's Tipple)!!!
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Aug 31, 2006 7:07 am

Back in my day we 'ad proper 3D, not all flat like it is now.

Mind you, that was before I 'ad an eyepatch...
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Postby walktheplank on Thu Aug 31, 2006 9:11 am

yarrr in my day you could go out fer some grog and leave yer ship unguarded an know fer sure that it would be ransacked by the time yer got back.

Nowadays yer could leave a big sign on yer ship saying no one at home an still no blaggard will rob yer. Pirates av it to good nowadays, they don't need to pillage an plunder evry night loike in the good ol days.
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Would yer like Riesling with that?

Postby DaveL on Mon Sep 04, 2006 6:42 am

YArrrrr...

Back in my day sportin a Codpiece was a major artform. These days yer young blaggard thinks it's a dish from swanky resturant and will ask if it comes with a glass of wine.

What ever happened to yer good ole enhancer?
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Sep 04, 2006 8:22 am

Back in my day, we 'ad proper taverns. Places where ye could get absolutely bladdered for less than a groat, an enjoy a good punch-up afterwards.

Nowadays it's all poncy wine bars an' theme taverns. And they let wenches an' kids in.
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Postby walktheplank on Tue Sep 05, 2006 8:46 am

yarr back in my day we used to send the youngest cabin boy up to the crows nest to tell us where the land was. We lost a few in heavy seas specially if a gust of wind blew them off when they were climbing up the rigging.

Nowadays the aspiring Pirate has Computerised Navigation Systems linked to a Space Satelite, no need for a crows nest now.

aaargh things are not what they used to be.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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cabin

Postby black bart on Tue Sep 05, 2006 6:19 pm

YYAARRR...In my day we had cabin boys...
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Postby The Black Spot on Wed Sep 06, 2006 8:38 am

In my day we 'ad proper victims. Noblemen in powdered wigs 'oo would whimper an' plead proper like. Nowadays they wave their copy of the Human Rights Act at yer.

(Don't do 'em no good though).
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Cheese

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 06, 2006 9:26 am

YYYAAARRR...and what appened to a good old maroonin...

Nowadays ye can't find an island what aint covered in hotels and restaurants. I marooned me First Mate Benn Gun Junior last year and I keeps gettin 'Wish you were ere' postcards from him with pictures o speciality cheese on em!
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