KILLER BARNACLES FOUND NEAR PORTSMOUTH
All mayhem broke loose today on the shores of Portsmouth, after a large plague of carnivorous barnacles was found at Scraggy Cove.
The corpse of an unknown smuggler was found half eaten at the scene. The Barnacles are believed to be the newest cloning experiment by Black Bart. When interviewed Mr Bart stated:
'YArrr, after me cloning experiments on meself and DaveL's cat Tiddles were banned, I was stuck for some decent genetic material.
The humble barnacle has proven an absolute goldmine for natural breedin' Those little buggers are randy as hell and can churn out thousands of 'em selves in minutes. For Phase 2, I simply crossed them with a pit pull and what did I get. The Pit Barnacle!!!
The Pit Barnacles have been quarantined by Portsmouth Constabulary, who are hoping to retrain them for guard duty, to prevent smuggler operations. Local graziers are also interested in Bart producing a barnacle that can round up livestock.
The breeding windfall is predicted to assist Bart's dwindling fortune in Fish Head stew, following several lawsuits (and deaths).
WOOF WOOF!!! DOWN BOY!! DOWN BOY!!