The Annual Academy Awards Fer Piratical Arts (The Jim Lads)

[black bart]

Biggest cannon ye says...salt water has a shrivelin effect ye knows...oh taint a Yewfamisum...er...go an measure me quarter pounders an be quick about it!

[Ravi Oli]

AYE bart... O'll be wantin' ta see hinderpendant certyfyed pruff of the messurement... an' weatha or nort Madam Fifi's is a lisensed horganizashun, certyfycates frum Fifi an' thee girls wilt NORT be hakcepted.

[black bart]

I ere by submits me proof...wiv thanks ta me croo fer dressin up loik sailors in case thee Royal Navy were in thee nayborhood:

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrrrr bart... moi cannons came wiv a polishin' wench.

[black bart]

^Harrr harrgh...I have heard that silicone be thee best thing fer polishin yer barrel.

[Ravi Oli]

^ Yarrrggghhh but it downt 'alf make yer Oiyes water.

[Roland Deschain]

Oi don't be meanin' ter brag, doo to thee Freudian nature o' this haward, but this be me own cannon:-

[pieces o'nine]

All roight, all roight. Oi sees as DaveL 'as -- fer inhexplickabull reasons -- declyned t'compete fer this year's hawarrrghd. 'E 'ad plenty ov chances.

Thee nommy knees be...
Black Bart
Ravi Oli
Roland Decshain

* dramatic pause to build some semblance of suspense in a mostly drunken crowd *

An thee winner ov thee Jim Lad is...

[black bart]

Thee sound of massive gunfire loik thunder shatters thee silence of thee haward ceremonee as thee three nominknees fight it out in thee lobby...thee smoke slowly clears and...

[Roy Hunter]

...PantyGnawer has sneaked in and stolen all your rum...

[black bart]

...and Nef Yoo has sneaked in and stolen all thee prize Lollypops for thee runners up...but even worse than that...

[Roy Hunter]

...this thread appears to have turned into the Continuous Salty Tale! Is there any way back, wondered Bart as the audience sobered up...

[daftbeaker]

*hic*

[Ravi Oli]

Cap'n pieces 'auls thee nommyknees ta thee stage afta confeeskatin' their balls for thee "imprompchew cannon firin' demonstrashun" in thee lobby.
"Roight you ladds... downt move until this is decidered...
And thee winner ov THEE BIGGEST CANNON HAWARD is...
Eenie, meenie, minie mo.... catch a pyrate by thee toe..."

[black bart]

Cap'n Rolan Deschany Vice President of thee Rifle Associashun of Hamerica and owner of a gun so big it had ta go on a railway just ta get it to thee haward ceremony (an he threaghtened to sink me shyppe).

Well done Roland ye blaggard...speach!