Just like Biology is enlightened by theories of Intelligent Design, Physics is now being illuminated by theories of Intelligent Falling (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512
We certainly wouldn't want Flying Spaghetti Monsterism excluded from discussions of Intelligent Falling and related curriculum. Pastafarians should insist our views receive equal time and attention, but...
What is our church's explanation of Intelligent Falling? Please excuse my ignorance; I'm just not sure where to look for scripture on gravity.
I'm guessing things fall and accelerate as they approach Earth because they were created by the FSM in His image. And, everyone knows what happens if you drop a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.
However, perhaps this is really more a matter of pirates and buried treasure. Perhaps all objects secretly long to please pirates by becoming buried treasure, and thus strive to become subterranean. I suppose they accelerate because they become increasingly excited about pleasing pirates by joining the Holy Realm of Buried Treasure.
What is the Pastafarian dogma on Intelligent Falling?