PSALMS are, of course, different from hymns. (The Hymns I've read so far in the hymn thread are hilarious and wonderful, but in a different sort of way.) Direct adapdations
of psalms from other books containing them would be absolutely appropriate. The result, I believe, would be nonsensical, bombastic, and, let's admit it, scriptural sounding.
I don't feel like adapting existing psalms, however. I wanted to write my own, and in that spirit, I've chosen to apply a lesson I found in book of poetry-writing exercises. The lesson lists twenty short instructions which result in imagery that can sometimes congeal into something oddly poetic. When my husband and fellow Pastafarian read the instructions about ten years ago, he said "Wow, that sounds like instructions on how to write any holy text." Lo and behold, here is the first result. I hope you will agree.Psalm Number ???
1. He is like a sweater 2. that enfolds me in Ragu
with meatballs. 3. His delicious smell wafts unto me
as a song that would fill my ears, or as the touch
of his Noodly Appendage opens my eyes
and brings to me a taste of divine understanding...
4. as if his Meatballs have spoken to my skin
5. For it was unto Kansas that His Chosen Prophet
Bobby did reveal 6. how his creative divinity
can never truly be fathomed. 7. Aye and Avast Ye,
the Pirates will save the planet 8.and those who cling
to the poopdecks 9. of denial that Global Warming
is caused by the Pirate's disappearance
10. are disassemblers... that means to lie.
11. The colossal bowl of His deliciousness
12. Will make all who are touched cower
with enlightenment. 13. His Prophet Bobby
shall ascend to the Beer Volcano heights,
14. while poor Solipsy awaits worthiness
for admittance to the Stripper Factory.
15. All of humankind shall one day
believe 16. that the sumptuous generosity
of his dripping sauce 17. shall cover them
with blessed and unending carbohydrate fortitude.
18. Plus ca change, Plus ca la meme chose no longer.
19. "Fill Me" cry out the bowls, the pots, the platters.
the bellies. "Oh, fill me!!" 20. Unto you, too,
be touched, be filled, be blessed, believe!
Ya gotta admit, that sounds amazingly like scripture.
I intend to make my own list of suggested instructions NOT duplicated from the book, because I will not plagiarize. If anyone would like a copy of my set, as a starting point from which to create hoity-toity sounding "Psalms," please e-mail me!
Yours in sauce,
btw, "plus ca change, plus ca le meme chose" is sort of
French for "the more things change, the more they stay the same." The "ca" is supposed to be a "sah" sound. Je ne parle pas le Francais too good.