Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Postby walktheplank on Fri Aug 11, 2006 6:26 am

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD walked unsteadily back to her seat "Please do forgive me, I attended a football match earlier this week and this kind gentleman that I met gave me a funny cigarette, I feel much better now thank you and I think we should now press on with this case without further ado"

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD shuffled her papers “I do believe that there is a good case against Cap’n Cronan, you only have to look at him to deduce what an evil, lying dirty, stinking blaggard he is, not that I want to prejudice the judgement of course. I find it strange that the prosecution seem quite incapable of providing a credible witness who can substantiate their case, however we must press onâ€￾

“It is time for the defence to make their case, Cap’n Cronan I understand you intend to represent yourself you horrible scheming apparition, please continue as I want you hung before the day is outâ€￾
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
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Mist

Postby black bart on Fri Aug 11, 2006 7:44 am

All eyes turned toward Cronan who, shrouded in mist as he was, cut a ghastly figure. It was so silent in the Court Room you could hear a very small cocktail stick in the shape of a cutlass drop. A bell began to toll, the sound seeming to come from the depths of the ocean itself. Still Cronan made no reply.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby The Black Spot on Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:18 am

"Have you nothing to say?" asked Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD.

Cap'n Cronan just lounged against the wall of the dock, studying his fingernails.

"I've never seen such insolence!" shouted Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. "I'll have you hung!"

Cronan raised his gaze and stared levelly at Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. He passed it to the judge.

The court was silent as Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD unwrapped the message from Cronan. She looked at it, and the blood drained from her face.

The paper fluttered to the ground, and there was a gasp as the public gallery saw what it contained...

It was the Black Fish Head.
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Black

Postby black bart on Fri Aug 11, 2006 11:02 am

An atmosphere of hushed awe decended on the court house...

The Black Fish Head was a step up in Pirate lore from the dreaded Black Spot...

Only once before had a Black Fish Head exchanged hands in the history of Piracy...and that was stuff of legend. The Black Spot meant the recipient was deposed as Captain and was almost certainly a death sentence. The Black Fish Head meant...actually no one had a bleeding clue what it meant...but it was something pretty ghastly.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD staggered back and collapsed into the arms of an official.

A strange evil laughter began to emanate from the mist enshrouded Cronan striking a chill into the hearts of everyone present.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Aug 17, 2006 11:13 am

A court usher came running into the court with a heavy volume in his hands.

"Here," he shouted. "It's listed in here!"

Everyone gathered around the ancient book. The usher flicked through the pages until he reached 'B'. "There!" Someone called. "Look there..."

ancient book wrote:Black Fish Head, The
An ancient evil icon from the pirate world. It is alleged to bring pain, torment and disaster to the recipient. This, however, is only a matter of conjecture as in recent times the BlacK Fish Head has been used as a diversionary tactic. Typically, it is used by someone in a courtcase to direct attention away from themselves as they make good their escape.

Legend has it that the greatest exponent of the BFH gambit is the notorious Cap'n Cronan. On several occasions he has thwarted...


They looked up to see the dock empty. Everyone rushed to the window just in time to see a fog shrouded ship sailing towards the open sea.

Lord Judge Superior N. Owitall Bar stomped into the court once more.

"You've done it again!" he shouted. "Pull yourself together and get someone hanged, will you!"

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD recovered her composure and took a deep breath.

"The Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board calls...."
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Postby DaveL on Thu Aug 17, 2006 6:22 pm

...Boris Vasily Blagoevgradovich to the stands.

'YArrr...Oi think you'd better up the security for this one your honour.' said Bart.

Prosecutor, please read the charges:

Ahem...

Your honour, it is alleged that the defendant is charged with the following:

1. Illegally taking over Playbilge Magazine and down grading the content to ummmmm...extremely illicit material yer honour;

2. Spamming the Portsmouth bill boards with illicit material;

3. Illegal fixing of Piratica Soccer matches, for which he was previously charged;

4. Escaping the Russian authorities and setting up a 'Dirty Bomb' making facility in the old Soviet Republic of Tranistria;

5. Several mysterious disappearances of business associates.
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Postby black bart on Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:23 pm

A voice shouted from the back of the court:

6. Buggering up Satelite Communication equipment and sellin it from messrs 'Wherethefarquarwenow & Co'.
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Postby Griffin on Sat Aug 19, 2006 7:28 pm

And another voice

7. Making fake time-aged material to prove the origins of certain recipes.
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Postby OZ_Nick on Sun Aug 20, 2006 6:08 pm

Yet another...

8. Makin' poor qualty imitashun counterfeet peg legs and ruinin the business ov an' 'onest pirate!
----

Ye may knowe mee better as Cap'n Bluenose
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Free

Postby black bart on Mon Aug 21, 2006 7:12 am

...and another

Zees iz all nonsensky...I always make ze bombskis clean! Free vodka or plutonium anyone?
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Postby DaveL on Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:20 am

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD was indeed keen for a hanging.

'Prosecutor please call your first witness'

Your honour I call the Piratica Football Coach Auntie Dee Dee to the stands.

'Auntie Dee Dee, you were recently in charge of Piratica during the World Cup. During the lead up, there were several unusual incidents involving Russian Mafia betting rings, Uzi toting gangsters and illegal drugs entering players water bottles. Am I correct?'...
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Postby DaveL on Sun Aug 27, 2006 4:55 am

'Very well'said Judge Pru. 'We shall accept your evidence as submission'
'Next witness please Prosecutor' said Judge Pru, as she winked at the hangman at the back of the court.

Your Honour 'I'd like to call...
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Dipstick

Postby black bart on Sun Aug 27, 2006 5:57 pm

...I'd like to call Capn Dipstick who was baninated 10 months ago for consistantly being uncouth and sordid...Capn Dipstick yer honour...
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Postby DaveL on Mon Aug 28, 2006 12:58 am

'Capn Dipstick, can I call you Dip for short? said the prosecutor.

'*!&@** oath you can matey. Call me what ever the ^&*#@ you like' he replied.

'When did you first encounter Boris and what's your association with him since?

'*&^@@@ !#$% 12 months ago I was in the Port of Vladivostok. Biggest %^&* hole I've ever come across. This weird lookin %^&^*&% spiv bribed his way onto me vessel the 'HMS Big Dipper'

'Take me to Portsmouth for 1 million roubles' Comrade Dipstick he said

'He was uncouth as my most uncouth moments of uncouthness and had some seriously $%^^%#&* illegal stuff in his travel bag...
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Postby black bart on Tue Aug 29, 2006 2:49 pm

"Captain Dip can you please keep your language civil whilst you are under oath?"

Dip: "I'll give you ****** oaths you ****** toffee nosed son of a ****..."
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