Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

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Postby DaveL on Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:08 am

'Order in the Court' said Judge Pru

'Capn Dip, what has been your association with Boris since landing in Portsmouth?' 'Did you assist Boris in the circulation of illicit materials?

'Err, well...he offered me a 100,000 dubloon salary to help him muscle in on X$^&** Playbilge'

'Counsel for the defence Mr Noddy Pertwhistle, do you wish to cross examine Capn Dip?'...
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The Auntie

Postby black bart on Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:09 am

Yes, thank you your honour...

Mr Noddy Pertwhistle: "Capn Dip at the time of your bannination is it not true that you were involved in an art house movie project involving the Russian mafia, and was this project not to be a film heavily influenced by Francis Ford Coppola's Godfather?"

Dip: Er...I don't know what...Godfather?

Mr P: "Let me refresh your memory Capn Dip, the film was to be entitled...The Auntie!!!!!"
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Postby DaveL on Mon Sep 04, 2006 8:08 am

'Thankyou that will be all Capn Dipstick, said Judge Pru

The next witness will be...
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Postby walktheplank on Tue Sep 05, 2006 9:21 am

...."Cap'n of the Piratica Football Team Dave L"

"Objection" yelled the Counsel for the Defence Nobby Pertwhistle "Dave L is a known associate of Boris and as is messy hands in all of Boris's dirty little schemes, he is hardly going to testify against him"

"Objection denied" said Lady Pru " This is speculation, please continue Prosecutor"

"Dave L describe your relationship to the defendant" said the Prosecutor

"yarr e be a double crossing, scheming evil blaggard an I be aving im hung, drawn an quartered if I git the chance" said Dave L

"Mmmn pretty conclusive evidence I think" said Lady Pru "Do you wish to cross examine the witness Mr Pertwhistle"......
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remember

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 06, 2006 9:35 am

Voice from the back of the court:

"Can anyone remember who the bleedin ell is on trial ere?"
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Postby DaveL on Thu Sep 07, 2006 7:05 am

'Boris вы будете нашим героем. Boris длиной в реальном маштабе времени!! (Boris you are our hero, Long Live Boris)' yelled the Transnitrian National Mens choir, who stacked the galleries in support of their hero.

Next their conductor stood up in the court and the entire choir sung the soccer anthem Go West:

'Идет западная жизнь мирна там идет на запад в открытый воздух идет на запад где небеса голубы идут на запад это мы будем gonna делаем'

'CLEAR THE COURT ROOM!!' screamed Judge Pru. 'I hate the Pet Shop Boys!!'

'Send that Spiv to the gallows he's guilty as charged'
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Spiv

Postby black bart on Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:00 am

Voice from the back of the Court:

There isn't a spiv in the Pet Shop Boys!
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Postby OZ_Nick on Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:16 am

Judge Pru glared at the owner of the voice from the back of the courtroom and said in a deadly cool voice "Well, you better find one then, or else it will be you that gets a neck stretch..."
----

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Tartan

Postby black bart on Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:58 am

The owner of the voice from the back of the court gulped...

"Well er...now I think about it, er, the one with the Tartan trousers looked a bit spivvy!" :?
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Postby The Black Spot on Thu Sep 07, 2006 8:14 pm

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD went to bang her gavel, but she couldn't raise her arm because of the squash of people in the courthouse.

"Bailiff!" she shouted. "Where did all these people come from?"

"I'm sorry M'Lady, but they all seem to have bought dodgy tickets on the black market for the trial."

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD was furious. With an effort she pointed her finger at a grinning, buck toothed man in the crowd.

"You!" she screamed. "Who sold you a ticket?"

The buck toothed man pointed an accusing finger at...
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Postby Griffin on Thu Sep 07, 2006 8:33 pm

........himself.
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Postby The Black Spot on Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:53 am

"Bailiff!" shouted Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. "Call a surgeon. Someone has snapped this poor man's finger in half!"

A doctor attended the buck toothed man just as another coach load of spectators pulled up outside the door.
Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD was furious. "Who's selling all these dodgy tickets?" Just then, through the window, she noticed a hot dog seller stuffing a large wad of notes into his pocket...
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stew

Postby black bart on Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:37 pm

Hot dogs...I should be out thar sellin Fish Head Stew to all these keen punters! :fsm_yarr:
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Postby OZ_Nick on Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:37 pm

But before Bart could act, he heard a voice with a distinctly eastern Europenan accent cry out "Feesh Hed Shtew, get you shjenueen imitiashun Feesh Hed Shtew here, just thuree dubloons a bowl!"

Bart was struck dumb. Counterfeit Fish Head Stew? His mind bogled. The punters seemed to be swamping the vendor and eating the "stew" with great relish. "Obviously a fake" thought Bart.

Eventually the smell of the fake fish head stew filled the court, Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. finally caught a sniff of the delicious aroma and said...
----

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Postby Griffin on Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:08 pm

....... that's fake Fishe Heade Stewe. I can smell a rat at a hundred paces and this is right under my nose." and as the words left her mouth, her nose turned bright blue and spittle started faliing from her eyelashes. There was pandemonium in the court as one by one everyone's noses turned blue until there wasn't a .................
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