Scurvy Fleet Disciplinary Board Proceedings

[Griffin]

........himself.

[The Black Spot]

"Bailiff!" shouted Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. "Call a surgeon. Someone has snapped this poor man's finger in half!"

A doctor attended the buck toothed man just as another coach load of spectators pulled up outside the door.
Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD was furious. "Who's selling all these dodgy tickets?" Just then, through the window, she noticed a hot dog seller stuffing a large wad of notes into his pocket...

[black bart]

Hot dogs...I should be out thar sellin Fish Head Stew to all these keen punters!

[OZ_Nick]

But before Bart could act, he heard a voice with a distinctly eastern Europenan accent cry out "Feesh Hed Shtew, get you shjenueen imitiashun Feesh Hed Shtew here, just thuree dubloons a bowl!"

Bart was struck dumb. Counterfeit Fish Head Stew? His mind bogled. The punters seemed to be swamping the vendor and eating the "stew" with great relish. "Obviously a fake" thought Bart.

Eventually the smell of the fake fish head stew filled the court, Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD. finally caught a sniff of the delicious aroma and said...

[Griffin]

....... that's fake Fishe Heade Stewe. I can smell a rat at a hundred paces and this is right under my nose." and as the words left her mouth, her nose turned bright blue and spittle started faliing from her eyelashes. There was pandemonium in the court as one by one everyone's noses turned blue until there wasn't a .................

[black bart]

...normal red nose left in the court...it definately was not RED NOSE DAY! it was a cunning plan by Boris to escape the hangman's noose!

[DaveL]

Just then several Speznatz Paratroopers entered the court room, quickly hustling Boris out of the courtroom.

Several tear gas cannisters were fired during the raid.

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD screamed 'Big Ron, was this your doing? I though I told you to lay off the chilli bratwurst before entering the court.

'O'im innocent yer wership. It's those spivs, honest' said Big Ron

"Da...you have not heard zee last of me ceetezens of Piratica" he screamed as a Russian Hind Helicopter whisked him away.

'Well there goes another opportunity for a hanging.' 'Is there anyone else left to try?' said Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD

'Well yes yer honour as a matter of fact we've just arrested someone' said the Bailiff

The court would like to call...

[Griffin]

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD shot up an blew er whistle. "Court adjourned til yer all learn ter stop speakin Pirate" her yelled.

[Moonman]

Oi's beggin yours forgivsness yer ladyship, Big Ron retorted. Oi's forgot it was 'Talk Like A Landlubber Day'.

[OZ_Nick]

"Oh I say, old pip," said Oz_Nick to Ron "this talk like a landlubber thingy really is a bit of fun, eh what? Jolly good show, I must say." Turning to Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD he continued "Well My Lady, unless you have anything further for me, I shall just pop along back to my ship."

Oz_Nick was just turning to leave when...

[OZ_Nick]

...his internet connection dropped out and he ended up double posting.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

Ah, that feels better.

Any Mod who sees this, please feel free to delete this post.

Now back to the courtroom...

[Griffin]

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD scanned the court. "Lord Cap'n Treadmill, oi see yer lost yer connection too. Is there a problem in here?".

[OZ_Nick]

"Mwa ha ha ha harrrr!" Came a deathly voice from Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD's notebook computer.

It was the dread voice of Bad Cap'n Willum "Foureyes" Hatches AKA The Big Nerd, leader of the worst lot of low-life double-dealing two-faced avaricious pirates in the known (or unknown) universe - Scumsoft.

Scumsoft, the creators of the most virulent bucaneering computer virus of all time, Portholes XP.

"Now there me hearties," Cap'n Willum went on, "Oi'll be not hearin ennie more o' thar lanlubber talk, ye'll all be noticin the automatik Portohles Update hez intall'd a new Piratin languije modjool wot will be automatikly translatin any o that lanlubber jibberish inter proper pirate talk."

Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD looked none too pleased. She tried to say "What is the meanin of this outrage?", but her voice was drowned out by the notebook computer from which was heard "Avarst ye blaggard, Oi'll be given ye a taste o cold steel iffen ye don't shove off!"

The public gallery was aghast, never before had they heard Judge Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPh, EdD utter such words. Then, dissapearing off into the ethernet they heard a faint laugh and could just make out the words "Ha ha harrr, me werke be done here..."

No one was game to say anything for a few moments then...

[Moonman]

With a cold eye the Baliff perused the gallery spying none other than the most feared derelict ever to sail without a proper Letter of Marque. The young Robert Henderson, affectionatley known to his crew as Bad Dick! It'd be brought to my attentions, the Baliff announced, that you are holding a wench o' sorts, engaging in the crime of witchcraft. Who be this damned perveyor of unspeakable evil. Bad Dick surveyed the gallery, knowen that they were itching for a corporal hanging. "This be a private matter" Bad Dick muttered... "none of yer damned concern"!!!

[Moonman]

NOT my concern? Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD MBE, DVM, RPH, EdD, her face screwed up in a knot. NOT MY CONCERN!!! She now bellowed across the courtroom!!! Bring this wench to me!!! I want her in my courtroom NOW!!! Bad Dick cowered under Lady Prunella's glare. Oi's can't bring her here, she has to stay on the ship! Why??? Prunella demanded, Adding "we'll have a proper hanging here yet or my name isn't Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPH, EdD!!!"

Just then DaveL spoke up, "Yer Ladyship, Oi Begs yer forgiveness, Oi am the acting solicitor for Bad Dick and will explain. This wench in question has remoin'd on this derelict ship after it t'was set adrift in stormy seas, foundering with a hold full of adolescent waifs needing some moinding. Out of pure koindness she has mentor'd these hapless lads and lasses. The ship has just now drifted into port and been reunited with it's former Captain, Bad Dick. It's been discovered that this wench's faculties have been controlled by a peculiar Demon. A monster of sorts...


STOP!!! Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPH, EdD exhorted. I'm Swearing in Big Ron as a Deputy and issueing a Warrent... who's name do I place on this writ!

DaveL whispered a name, his lips trembling... Lady P. raised her voice to scream!!! WHO'S NAME!!! DaveL tried again... Duh Duh he stuttered. Lady P! BELLOWED!!! WHOOOOO!!!! This time DaveL squared his shoulders glanced quickly, at Bad Dick, then back to Lady Prunella Boadicea Springer-Spaniel Bonehart, JD, MBE, DVM, RPH, EdD and simply stated. Why it's none other than my dear beloved Auntie Dee Dee. A pall set on the courtroom as it became deathly quiet, and simply deathly as Big Ron emited a flatulence so forceful that his panteloons billowed like genoa in a gale. Lady P held the writ out to Big Ron, holding her nose with the other hand and announced... "Bring her to me"... "and clear out this courtroom she announced to those fleeing from Big Rons fishhead stew fueled emmitance. This trial will start in the morning".