Would somebody mind answering a few questions?

[jdogmoney]

About Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, that is?

I'm a Pastafarian myself; this is for a school project wherein I have to interview two people of different religions. I've already wrangled a Christian of some sort, but I'd also like to give equal light to the one true faith.

So, basically, I'd like you to tell me a couple of things about yourself, and, as you know, you should answer in a nautical dialect.

First, some basic stuff:

What's your age, where are you originally from, how were you introduced to Pastafarianism, and why are you talking like a pirate?

[This is for a school project, after all.]


[And if this is the wrong place for this, I apologize, but the thing's due tomorrow and I was running out of options.]


With all due respect,
jdogmoney

[MPTrooper]

About Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, that is?

I'm a Pastafarian myself; this is for a school project wherein I have to interview two people of different religions. I've already wrangled a Christian of some sort, but I'd also like to give equal light to the one true faith.

So, basically, I'd like you to tell me a couple of things about yourself, and, as you know, you should answer in a nautical dialect.

First, some basic stuff:

What's your age, where are you originally from, how were you introduced to Pastafarianism, and why are you talking like a pirate?

[This is for a school project, after all.]


[And if this is the wrong place for this, I apologize, but the thing's due tomorrow and I was running out of options.]


With all due respect,
jdogmoney

23, New York, I found it on NewGrounds, I don't.

[EarthRise]

19; Memphis; heard about it in the news; Yarr, because the FSM says it to be so

[jdogmoney]

19; Memphis; heard about it in the news; Yarr, because the FSM says it to be so

Excellent...

Now then.

Could you outline for me the basic precepts of your religion?

[EarthRise]

You'll have a hard time passing off Pastafarianism as a religion. You might need a very open-minded teacher to accept it.

Precepts, in two parts:

PART 1 - What We Tell Everyone

We are an association of pirates valiantly fighting for the concurrent instruction of our version of creationism, which happens to be right and has scientific evidence to support it. We believe (which makes it true, by the way) that, in the beginning, the Flying Spaghetti Monster made the Earth, mountains, and a midget, and saw that it was good. Following, he made Heaven, which has a beer volcano and a stripper factory, and is the destination of all good Pastafarians when they die. The FSM got drunk off this volcano on Thursday night, fell out of bed on Friday, creating the Big Bang, and declared Friday a holiday, to nurse his hangover.

The FSM is able to pass through all normal matter easily. He touches us all with his Noodly appendages, to keep us on Earth; humans have been growing taller as they become more pervasive, since He must distribute His noodles among all of us.

If scientific data denies the existence of the FSM, this is because He came down to earth to change the data.


PART 2 - What We Actually Believe

ID is not science. It never has been, and likely never will be. It has no place being taught in a scientific classroom. To indicate the ridiculous and religious nature of Intelligent Design posing as a scientific theory, we introduce the, also scientific, theory of FSM creationism, and demand that it be taught alongside religious ideals.

[jdogmoney]

Hee hee.

I'm certain my teacher is open-minded, and I'm not just saying that for the transcript.

So you're saying, just as most "major" religions' purpose is to foster goodwill between men, women, what have you, FSMism does that and reminds its followers to think?

[EarthRise]

Yep! Pastafarians say that it's perfectly okay to teach Christian Intelligent Design in the scientific classroom, just as long as Pastafarian Intelligent Design is taught too!

(Read: Your beliefs are your own, so don't play them off as science and force them on students. However, feel free to worship in whatever way you desire.)

[jdogmoney]

Many thanks for your time.



Oh, and, if my teacher should happen to come to Memphis, we did this over the phone.


It was supposed to be in person, and, if they were from out of town, over the phone.


I gave you my phone number to do this interview, since I could trust a fellow Pastafarian, wink wink.


Really, thanks again.


I'll post here with news of how he took it tomorrow.

[PantyGnawer]

Earthrise is just playing a "part" for you. While I genuinely believe in the FSM, He thinks that it is a fake religion!

Earthrise, why do you put on airs for the public at large?

[EarthRise]

Earthrise is just playing a "part" for you. While I genuinely believe in the FSM, He thinks that it is a fake religion!

Earthrise, why do you put on airs for the public at large?

Because you're a tool?

Arrrr, because I'm a pirate, heathen. Go back to your false religions.

[PantyGnawer]

My religion is real, you are the one claims to adhere to a fake religion.

Ya tool!

[Zankou]

Pirate guy, get over it...you know very well that what Earth said is true, and if you realy believe in the FSM, please see a therapist...or a sword.

[jdogmoney]

My teacher was...less than receptive.


He asked me several times if I had seriously interviewed a Pastafarian, and when I assured him that I did, he finally said something along the lines of, "Didn't I tell you it had to be a serious religion?"

"Yes..." I said, pretending not to grasp his point.

"This may affect your grade negatively..."

[Now, I am usually the last person to worry about my grades, but since this was a group project, I had to say something.]

"You know, Coach," I said, for he is indeed a coach, "discrimination based on religion, I've been told, is a bad thing."

"...

"You'd really complain if I marked you down for your choice of," and here he hesitated, "religion?"

"I'd take it to the highest court available."


He was still not all that receptive, so I lent him my copy of the Gospel, which I just happened to have on me, and asked him to read the interview and the book, and, if he was still convinced FSMism isn't a religion, to look at the website.

Granted, he probably wasn't listening when I told him the address, but we can hope.


[And yes, I am paraphrasing. His diction is not so markedly similar to my own.]

[KC Observer]

Wow - Wonder if he'll back down because of your "threat." Don't think so.

Now for the umpteenth time, FSM is NOT a recognized "real" religion. Guess that's really the point. The real point of all of this was to drive home the point, with the Kansas School Board, that "ID" is not science and that if they can teach "ID" as science, then why not all of the other religiously held stories of creation that there are in the world? And, that as far as crreation stories go, the FSM creation story was as valid as any of the others.

[jdogmoney]

Why not?


The Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts make as much sense as any other set of rules in religion, and more than most.

I like the holidays, the general spirit of lightheartedness, the fact that the symbol isn't a Roman torture device...

I also like how the Flying Spaghetti Monster isn't so insecure as to require the insignifigant beings He created to worship Him.

It's easier for me to believe that a being who bears a striking resemblence to a bowl of pasta created the universe than it is for me to believe that we were created in such a being's image. How egotistical is that, by the way? The people who wrote the Bible, or at least Genesis, pretty much proclaimed we were godlike creatures. We're a bunch of sea-apes, for crying out loud.

I like String Theory, and it's just as easy for me to call it Noodle Theory. Wouldn't that be more of what an omniscient being would do? Wait until a race has some degree of technology before they can realize a Creator's image is in the very matter that makes up their world?

The point of religion, I'm convinced, is to keep people from being jerks to one another. Pastafarianism does that, and well. It's one of the EIRRYDs, for pasta's sake.


Does every Christian believe that Jesus literally made six loaves of bread and some fish last for thousands of people? Turned water into wine? Has a magical cup that grants everlasting life?

Sure, there are some, but the vast majority quietly recognise that these, as well as other tales, are metaphors. No, not quite metaphors...

The term "parable" comes to mind, but it doesn't quite fit, either.

[I myself think it's kind of funny how one man was made God-like just because he said some very simple, but very wise things.]



And it wasn't a threat.

I have every intention of complaining until my faith is recognised.


I'm sorry if this comes off as argumentative, I've had a rather long day.