LAW

[fusiontortellini]

Ahh, so HERE is where I post my suggestions:

Thou shalt ever seek to improve thy Pasta, to more closely approach the Divine Noodliness.

Thou shalt not take thy Pasta in vein. Or artery, for that matter.

Thou shalt share, that none may seek without finding.

Thou shalt not commit adultery unless thy spouse is present.

Thou shalt not feel guilty for feeling good.

Thou shalt worship strippers when possible, and always tithe properly.

Remember that midgets are Holy unto Me; thou shalt not overlook them.

More later, I'm sure.

[Solipsy]

Very cool, fusiontortellini! I'm gonna redirect you to NOT COMMANDMENTS, SUGGESTIONS, and I'll copy-paste these there with credit to you. (read the first posts of the threads to understand why I'm redirecting you. I think you'll see it pretty immediately.)

[Father Jerome]

Aha!!

The good Padre is tagged for some scribing.

It might be a bit of a chore, for the Padre has many jobs still in front of him, in the scribing on his own account business (for lo, the educator may quit the eduating job, but the educating never ceases) so he'll be needing some slack...

You said it all, Auntie Dee Dee. Still, let me think about it. Maybe an extra slug of Port will give me the strength to handle additional chores.

Solipsy, I do have some half-baked ideas about it; let me get some notes together and pm those to you before I actually post anything. After all, His Holy Laws of Grammar need to pass through the venerable Council's hands, first.

A personal note: Thank you for the kind welcome, Qwerty; you are a good pirate, and I propose that all pirates shall remain exempt from any and all restrictive grammar rules--in perpetuity! Aargh, and shiver me timbers, and whar's me rum...

Yours in the Sauce,
Jerome

Praise be to HIM!

[_Tex_]

being rather partial to a hedonistic lifestyle (it was the Flimsy Moral Standards that got me....) i kinda like the idea of:
"If it feels good thou shalt do it several times over, you probably muffed it the first time"

[Solipsy]

_tex_ I'm not connecting those dots..., and I think you're in the realm of "Not Commandments, Suggestions" link: http://www.venganza.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1614

[Father Jerome]

I have erased my own presumptuous writs of laws from this thread and gone into the wilderness to further communicate with FSM. I just can't quite understand his mysterious ways. Sorry.

[_Tex_]

this one was 'lifted' from the movie Way of The Gun, then pastaised:
All your Pasta shall be sauced, in the order to which they are recieved.

[Captin Redbeard Scurvydog]

I felt inspired on this Holy Friday and have been called to unveil the following law inspired unto my this day by that which is Him.
(Feel free to move this around (Non Commandments, etc.) if The Wise Council of Olive Garden so sees that it is right and pleasing to Him, furthermore I bestow my rights, if any, in the following intellectual property, whatever they may be, for, it is not of me, but of Him, and I am but the humble servant).

Revealed unto me this day by Him:
1. All good pirates owe a duty to Him to have the shaggest and most unkept of beards. However, this duty is not binding, for He, in His infinite wisdom, caused some to be unable to fulfill such a duty in several manner of ways; but yea, I say unto thee, those of the utmost pirate grit will be looked upon with the highest favor by Him for all thine days, and thine cup shall overrun with His most choosen and blessed of pasta.
2. On Holy Friday, all good pirates, owe a duty to display their unkept and shaggy beards in the public squares, and marketplaces, and all manner of buffet style restaurants, and dwelling places in which ferminted drink is served with vigor, and unto thine strippers, for they truly are of His essence and beloved by Him. By doing this, His glory is displayed to all, the believer and the non-believer, the principal and the agent, the cobbler of shoes and the huntsmen of the field.
3. I say unto you, all good pirates owe a duty unto Him to not remove any manner of debris from thine unkept beard, for yee shall not look upon such debris as a burden, but a blessing from His bounty bestowed unto you from Him for His greater glory. And it is the greatest blessing from on high, to have the wonderous fruit of His wonderful noodly appendage, the most savory, most tantalizing, sacred pasta to become so embedded in thine pirate beard. And he that turns his back on such a blessing and scoffs the gift given unto them, bestowed from Him, then I say unto them, it would be better to have never been bearded, for unless there exists unto them, good cause, for such disrespect for His bounty, it will as if they were cutoff from His goodness and set adrift on the high seas.
4. And it became revealed unto me, through His divine, magical, delicious, plan, that all good pirates, in the course of their duty, owe a duty unto Him, when, on Holy Friday, they are in the public squares, and marketplaces, and all manner of buffet style restaurants, and dwelling places in which ferminted drink is served with vigor, to bestow unto thine most favored winch, a kiss for all those present to see, for, when yee do this, it is a proclimation of His glory.
5. No good pirate should brandish thine cutlass, or thine hook, or thine peg, nor any manner of implimentation bestowed unto him by Him, nor act in such a way with malice aforethought to thine fellow creatures, which are all part of His magical, delicious, plan, for, in so doing, thine treat thine fellow creatures contrary to His magical, delicious, plan; unless yee be acting to prevent some greater evil that is exceedingly hostile to His plan, or, if the consumption of strong drink has rendered yee unaccountable unto Him for thine acts and thou hast felt the greatest of sorrow for thine transgressions against Him.

[Solipsy]

FABULOUS!!! There is much work to be done in Pirate "Law." As I'm sure you are aware, pirates don't take kindly to law, but the FSM does love his pirates, his midgets/midgits, and his people, and so has set down at least a bit more guidelines/suggestions for them. I do hope you'll see fit to record a bit more for us.

[Captin Redbeard Scurvydog]

Arrgghh, this be the Pirate Law on pillaging and the laws of the sea as inspired unto me by Him for His glory (probably just a Part 1)

1. And it come to be known unto me by Him, those, which were shown unto me by Him, of His wonderous laws by which, we, His choosen pirates, were to engage and partake in, while on the high sea and while in port amongst the landlubbers. All good pirates, above all else, for His infinite glory, must tithe His beloved strippers graciously, with the booty we obtain through His bounty, for He is goodness, and good booty He will provide, for the blessed strippers were sent by Him, so that we may know and partake in His savory will of goodness.
2. And He sayth unto me, that when His noodly appendage commands the four winds to guide our ships to good harbor, all good pirates must offer a thanksgiving unto Him, and then He taught me with a parable saying unto me, there was once a pirate, a Kasadaronite of Lahamalie, and when he found good harbor, through the grace of Him, he went upon the land and gave praise by paying homage to the blessed strippers and consuming the Holy meal in the most reverent and befitting of manners, and He granted unto the Kasadaronite of Lahamalie all the booty he needed to be sustained, and it was good; but alas, there was one called Shreddog, known as the Pillager of Pigeye Slough, and he was bestowed unto him good booty by Him and the safest of harbors with the most blessed of strippers, but alas, Shreddog, because of his pride, on a particular Holy Friday, which was also the Feast Day of the His Blessed Sauce, consumed steak, and refused to partake in the Holy meal, and was most stingy in his tithing of the blessed strippers even though he had been blessed with great booty by Him, and so for the next few weeks, Shreddog had kind of a bad time; and then He sayth unto me, in a voice that was as loud and thundering as a million parrots asking for a cracker in unison, and He spoketh unto me "It is better to be the first guy"; and I saw the depth of His infinite wisdom, and it was good.
3. And so it came to pass that He told me of a good pirates duties while at sea, and He sayth unto me, it is good to share and partake in the blessed rum with thine brethern while at sea, and dilute it not with cola, or any manner of beverage, for when it is in its pure, blessed form, it is warming to thine belly and it is good and it will bolster thine pirate ways. And when yee meet thine brethern pirates upon the high seas, it is good to greet them as thine brethern and be gracious with thine rum, with thine brethern, unless yee be out.

[Swatopluk]

Why am I so slow a typer? Still so much on paper concerning law, stories, science, prayers, hymns, dictionaries and not enough time to hack it into the keyboard.
And I stand in awe before other's talent.
Keep on the good work and may you all be touched by His Noodly Appendage!
Ramen!

[Pterorhynchus]

Thou shalt not commit any act of cruelty, murder, or war in the name of the Volant Lord of Pasta, for it displeases a benevolent deity.

Thou shalt not mutilate thyself or anybody else in any way, for thine body is a gift from the Noodley Maker that does allow us to exist.

Thou shalt be free to worship the Blessed Pasta-King as thou seeth fit.


More to come.

[Pterorhynchus]

Thou shalt not act mutinous against thy captain.

Thou shalt not plunder and pirate on the mainland, for doing so is an absolute disgrace in the eyes of thy Noodley Master.

[Qwertyuiopasd]

so no raiding islands?

[Pterorhynchus]

Hmm... You have a point there... Let me rephrase that...

There:

Thou shalt not plunder and pirate on the mainland, for doing so is an absolute disgrace in the eyes of thy Noodley Master.