ken worley wrote:
Place on thick flour tortilla with a small amount of fancy-shredded colby-jack cheese.
My universe does not allow for cheese in small quantities.
While I'm sure this would be a delightful snack, as a card-carrying member of Gluttons Anonymous, I feel compelled to enlighten everyone as to the proper method of constructing the Burrito of Doom, two examples of which I personally consumed less than three hours ago. I make my own refried beans - grate a carrot into a frying pan, simmer in olive oil for a few minutes, add 0.5 chopped onion and 6-10 finely chopped cloves of the best garlic you can find (you should never use anything less than the best garlic), simmer for another 5 minutes or so, add 2 cans undrained pinto beans and 0.5 tablespoons cumin, then mash the snot out of the mixture with a potato masher, and cook over medium low heat. When the mixture starts to thicken, add a goodly fistful of chopped fresh cilantro. Don't even think
about using the dried crap. Continue cooking until thick enough to be considered a paste. Serve while hot, dammit, don't let it cool off.
Your Burrito of Doom is costructed on an 8" flour tortilla, and it better have some structural integrity or you'll wish it had later. Slather way too much of the refried beans in a wide strip from one edge of the tortilla to about 0.75 of the way across. Pile more shredded cheese than is generally considered safe over the strip - we usually use extra sharp cheddar. Next add a layer of chopped onion - about half a cup should do it. Then chopped tomatoes, about 0.5 of one tomato is normal for me. Sliced black olives, enough to cover the steadily growing heap so it's hard to tell what's under the olives. Then about one entire jalapeno pepper, halved and sliced not too thinly. If you've measured correctly, there should be enough tortilla available to just barely fold up the bottom end, and wrap the sides around so you can hold the guts together. Make sure you have opened the bottle of hot sauce (McIlhenny's Chipotle Tabasco is recommended) before you pick up the Burrito of Doom, because once you pick it up, you're committed, you can't put it down without having it completely degenerate into a pile of scattered components. A properly constructed Burrito of Doom should weigh at least a pound. Don't plan on being physically active for a while after dinner.