Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Posts that are locked but open for perusal.

Moderator: phpBB2 - Administrators

Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:19 pm

Ahoy dudes. The wise and starchy Second Council of Olive Garden is searching for holy scripture to be added to the Loose Canon. The Council is only accepting stuff the fits the whole FSM thing, so no hate-mongering, supporting things that obviously contradict our teachings, or general douchey stuff. Also, I'm a lazy man, so number your verses.

What I'm going for here is a listing of Pastafarian values, teachings, and ideas written in the most straightforward and explicit way possible, so as not to cause a holy war a couple thousand years from now. For example: Don't kill anyone, even if they disagree with you.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Ubi Dubium on Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:57 pm

1. Do not condemn another's choice of pasta, for all varieties of noodles are worthy.
Open your mind, but not so far your brain falls out

"Hurry up, before we all come to our senses!" - King Julien
User avatar
Ubi Dubium
Mystic of Meatball
 
Posts: 2563
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:10 pm
Location: This is my brain, and I live in it.

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby DaveL on Tue Mar 03, 2009 1:21 am

2. Thall shalt associate the following descriptors:

Midget
Midgit
Little dudes
Mini-me
Vern Troyer look alikes
Tiny Folk
Munchkins...

...as HIS holy chosen ones.

Praise them, for they are blessed.
Manatee Singles

www.hotdugong.com
User avatar
DaveL
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4904
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 8:57 pm
Location: Van Diemens Land

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:00 am

Sorry, I had just copied and pasted part of my message in the first post without rereading it. Since you guys aren't writing anything real long in this thread, you don't have to number your verses.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Ubi Dubium on Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:51 am

3. Thou shalt number thy verses, because it's fun and might annoy the god-bots.
Open your mind, but not so far your brain falls out

"Hurry up, before we all come to our senses!" - King Julien
User avatar
Ubi Dubium
Mystic of Meatball
 
Posts: 2563
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:10 pm
Location: This is my brain, and I live in it.

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Ubi Dubius on Mon Mar 09, 2009 8:01 am

4. All who claim to be Pastafarian are True Pastafarians(TM). There is no True Pastafarian(TM) Aptitute Test (TPAT).
5. No Pastafarian shall judge who is a better, truer, or finer Pastafarian.
Davros, Attorney and Pieces of Law
Keeping up appearances is a very important activity in religion; in fact, maintaining tattered illusions is its main activity. - Richard Wade, on Friendlyatheist.com
We make an idol of our fear and call it God. -Ingmar Bergman, The Seventh Seal
User avatar
Ubi Dubius
Set bail, me hearties!
 
Posts: 5253
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:50 pm
Location: Varrrrrrgggggghhhhhhinia

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Sun Mar 22, 2009 11:39 pm

Ubi Dubium wrote:3. Thou shalt number thy verses, because it's fun and might annoy the god-bots.
lol, very nice

I guess I'll make my example official then.

6. Don't kill anyone, even if they disagree with you.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Tigger_the_Wing on Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:31 am

7. Do not criticise another's interpretation of the phrase 'Pirate Garb' for their interpretation might be guided by a noodly appendage. It is enough that they maketh the effort.

(Edited - Sorry, forgot the number! )
User avatar
Tigger_the_Wing
She Who Gets It
 
Posts: 4388
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2008 7:44 pm
Location: Pyrate of the Canberrean

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby StJason on Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:23 am

There is some overlap with a few of these. How about some compiliation?

4. (v.2): Judge not thy crewmate's pirate garb, nor his pesto, nor his devotion to the Spaghetti Monster. As thou are lacking in cooking skill or ability to cobble together thy own buckle shoes, so to do thy crewmates seek True Pastafarianism in different manners. Plus, who died and made thou Flying Spaghetti Monster, anyway?
---
Darwin's Purge, verse 39.


You know the thing that I hate about these .sigblocks? Never have a good idea what to put in them.
User avatar
StJason
Gnocchetti Galley Slave
 
Posts: 57
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:04 am
Location: Sacramento, California, United States, North America, Earth, Sol, Milky Way

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Detective TurtleHolmes on Mon Aug 03, 2009 2:34 am

So this could actually be in the Revised Gospel? Sweet.

9(?): Thou shalt accept all varieties of liquour as Good. Rum, whilst being thy Holy Pirate's beverage of choice, is not a necessity-eth.

10(?): If thy be a midgit, do not judge thyself higher than thy Taller. Holier-than-thou talk dost not get thou anywhereth.
A flap of the wings yesterday means big changes tomorrow.
Let's work together to keep the present inevitable.

So yeah, I went and got a blog.
User avatar
Detective TurtleHolmes
Clouseau's Protege
 
Posts: 9266
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:34 am
Location: Francemouth

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Roy Hunter on Mon Aug 03, 2009 2:13 pm

11-ish. Even the tall may have an inner midgit crying out to be recognised.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
User avatar
Roy Hunter
If it's not Scottish, it's crap.
 
Posts: 15748
Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:13 pm
Location: It's the place where you are, but that's not important right now.

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Ubi Dubium on Mon Aug 03, 2009 10:42 pm

12. Thou shalt always follow the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (pesto be upon Him) with the words "pesto be upon Him" or some other such honorary. This goes for the great Prophet Bobby (pesto be upon Him) too.
Open your mind, but not so far your brain falls out

"Hurry up, before we all come to our senses!" - King Julien
User avatar
Ubi Dubium
Mystic of Meatball
 
Posts: 2563
Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:10 pm
Location: This is my brain, and I live in it.

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff on Tue Aug 04, 2009 7:26 am

12a. Unless you're pressed for time or don't feel like it. The FSM isn't that stuck up, usually.
!!!@#@#@#@#@!!! CAUTION: THIS PERSON DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. DISREGARD ANY APPEALS TO AUTHORITY, EXPERIENCE, OR ROMANTIC PROWESS. ANY CORRECT INFORMATION YOU RECEIVE FROM THIS MAN IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. !!!@#@#@#@#@!!!
-------------------------------
The Almighty Website of Stuff
-------------------------------
Download The Loose Canon, a deliciously holy book compiled by members of Our Noodly Lord's congregation!
-------------------------------
Image
User avatar
Almighty Doer of Stuff
Brewmeister
 
Posts: 1937
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2007 8:13 am
Location: Massachusetts

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby black bart on Mon Sep 28, 2009 5:38 am

Roy Hunter wrote:11-ish. Even the tall may have an inner midgit crying out to be recognised.


What about people of medium height...can we have an inner midget?...or must we settle for an MGB Midget?

13. If thou art a midget upon a mountain, taketh thy time to climb for thy legs are small.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
User avatar
black bart
Resident Weevil
 
Posts: 25876
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 6:56 am
Location: London

Re: Loose Canon - The Book of Clarifications Submissions

Postby Platypus Enthusiast on Thu Jan 14, 2010 1:20 am

This is a checkpoint for the compilation purposes of the Second Council of Olive Garden. Please ignore and go about your business.
Check out an official Pastafarian holy book, the Loose Canon: http://loose-canon.fsm-consortium.com/the-loose-canon/

"With Him, All Things are Pasta-Bowl."
-ProvHerbs 3:35
User avatar
Platypus Enthusiast
Tortellini Third Mate
 
Posts: 350
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:21 am
Location: New Jersey: The Spaghetti State

Next

Return to Locked Posts

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

cron