Moderator: phpBB2 - Administrators
wlrube wrote:Here is The Creation as revealed to me. I recorded this a while ago, and only now realized that I could show it to anybody. I also have The Customary "Great Deluge" Story, which I'll post in another thread. Because they explain almost every facet of the teachings of the Prophet, they will most certainly conflict with nearly every other wannabe FSM holy book, but I figure they're worth submitting, anyway.
0. In the beginning, there was nothing. 1. Then, the Flying Spaghetti Monster said, â€œlet there be noodles.â€ And lo, there were noodles. 2. But the Monster looked upon His noodles and was not satisfied, so he said, â€œlet there be tomato sauce.â€ And lo, there was tomato sauce. 3. But the Monster was still not satisfied, and He created meatballs, olive oil, cheese, vegetables, herbs, and a great many other ingredients to be served with His noodles. 4. And when He was done, He smiled upon His creation, and was satisfied.
5. But still the Monster desired more, and He resolved to create a vast, marvelous world, in which His wondrous creations could be enjoyed. 6. And thus He took from His many cooking ingredients Holy Baking Soda and Holy Vinegar. 7. And He mixed the Baking Soda with the Vinegar; and lo, there was a great explosion, and His noodles and other ingredients were dispersed, and thus the Universe was created. 8. And He looked upon his new Universe, and was not satisfied. So He chose one of His large meatballs, and Touched it with His Noodly Appendage. 9. And lo; from the meatball sprang a mountain, trees, and a midgit.
10. And He looked upon His meatball, and said, â€œI shall call this meatball, Earth.â€ And the meatball was thereafter known as Earth. 11. And the Monster looked upon it, and decided that the water in which He boiled His noodles would cover the Earth; and it was so. 12. And He decided that the herbs and vegetables with which He covered His noodles would also cover the Earth; and it was so. 13. And He decided that many great and meager beasts, which carry within them the meat of His meatballs, would cover the Earth; and it was so. 14. And He looked upon His creation, and was satisfied.
15. And when he was done, He looked upon His midgit, and showed His creation to the midgit, and the midgit cried out with joy and his mouth watered. 16. And the midgit began to eat a great feast of spaghetti with all of the Monsterâ€™s ingredients, and he ate his fill, and was satisfied. 17. But lo; the midgit had left much of the Monsterâ€™s spaghetti untouched, and much of His other ingredients as well. 18. So He called out to the midgit, and said; â€œwhy, midgit, do you not finish your feast?" 19. And the midgit said; â€œLo, Your Noodliness, but I cannot finish Your feast; while it greatly satisfies the longing of my taste buds, it threatens to burst my stomach. I cannot eat another bite.â€
20. And lo; the Monster was displeased, and the Earth shook with His displeasure. 21. And the Monster in His fury struck the Earth many times with His Noodly Appendage, and many mountains and trees did spring from the Earth; but many humans did also. 22. And the Monster cried out with joy, for these people would eat His divine feast, and could finish it, as they did not have bellies as small as that of the midgit. 23. And the Monster told his people; â€œgo, eat the divine feast which I have provided you.â€ 24. And the people cried out with joy as the midgit had, and ate of His great feast, and finished every bite which He provided.
25. And then the people did proceed to harvest the herbs and vegetables, and create more of the noodles, and kill the wild beasts, in order to create more noodles, meatballs, and condiments to continue their feast. 26. But as the people created their feasts, they spread across the surface of the Earth gathering ingredients, and thus lost contact with one another. 27. And lo; some of these people began to create lasagna, and some created bologna, and some created pizza, and soon the people of Earth created many foods. 28. And the Monster was displeased, and the Earth shook with His fury. 29. And lo; some of these people were driven mad by the power of spicy foods they had created, and conceived that there were other Monsters apart from His Noodliness.
30. And they called these Monsters by many names, and worshipped them in many ways, and shunned the one true Flying Spaghetti Monster, and forgot Him. 31. And the Monster was again displeased, and the Earth again shook with His fury. 32. Then He suddenly became pleased, for He had conceived of a method by which he could punish those who had forgotten Him. 33. He created a great paradise which He called Heaven, built on a bed of spaghetti, which would be occupied only by those who worshiped the true Monster. 34. And He created in His Paradise a mountain that spurted the beverage which the humans called â€œbeer,â€ to satisfy the humans who worshiped the true Monster.
35. And He created in His Paradise a factory which crafted human beings, but the human beings it crafted were beautiful, and would please the humans who worshiped the true Monster. 36. And He created strict moral codes regarding sexual acts and many other things, that the unfaithful would follow to their great displeasure, and decreed that His followers would not abide by such codes. 37. And His revenge upon the unfaithful was complete, and He was satisfied.
All right, so I'm doing a research project on FSMism, and it's about comparing creation/fertility/hero myths to religions, detailing each of said myths, etc. The bulk of the project, however, is expanding on a couple myths of one religion. So I ask my teacher, "What about Pastafarianism?"
"Erm, I'm not familiar with that."
"Oh, it's a relatively recent North American religion."
"Oh. . .I guess that would be fine."
So I've printed up a mural, am starting on a video, so now I need only to confirm the creation story, which is why I quoted that there -- partially because out of all the ones I read in this thread, that sounded the best.
So my question is this: is there an official creation story? Or are all these simply fan-based and have no credence upon the canon?
DaveL wrote:Hey where's the Book of Midgits/Midgets...must find...must find...
DaveL wrote:PE, that's all good. I knew it was lurking in Old Threads somewhere.
I've managed to move all the stuff which was made Canon into announcements (Mod powers - 'kapowwww!').
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests