The Scottish Diet

[PKMKII]

The Scottish Diet is an ingenious nutritional system invented by the Scots to keep their pension funds in balance by reducing the number of people who make it beyond the age of 60. Like many of the world's smartest inventions (most of them invented by the Scots), it is devilishly simple. It increases the premature death rate through a well-balanced diet:

The Scottish Diet
Any and all thing you can eat
But this proportion always heed:
-A third from fat
-A third from sugar
-A third from alcohol
-From time to time, you can eat a small amount of fruits, in the form of jams or preserves, or even better, distilled.

Examples of the Scottish Diet include Deep-Fried Cheesburgers


And Deep-Fried Pizza

[Cardinal Fang]

Don't forget that other contribution to haute cuisine: the deep fried mars bar



CF

[TwistedSister]

I can't wait to see what Roy has to add to this.

[Roy Hunter]

A special plea of veritas.

Carry on.

[daftbeaker]

From Have I Got News For You a couple of weeks ago (was a repeat):
"VAT has been reduced on sausages, bacon and biscuits; or as they're known in Scotland, health foods".

And from Mock the Week: "It's like the menu in a Scottish restaurant, there isn't much on it and what there is you don't want".

Having said all that, you do have to be trying to find those revolting things. Some of the nicest pies I've had have been from Scotland.

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

It's hard for me to disparage the Scottish diet with any enthusiasm. After all, one of the featured items is Scotch.

Probably helps them get past all that other stuff...

[daftbeaker]

It's hard for me to disparage the Scottish diet with any enthusiasm. After all, one of the featured items is Scotch.

Probably helps them get past all that other stuff...

Do you perhaps mean whisky?

Never understood why people refer to whisky as Scotch, that's a type of egg

A very Scottish idea, now I think about it. Egg, covered in sausagemeat, covered in breadcrumbs and deep-fried.

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

Sorry, it's an Americanism. Short for "Scotch Whiskey". Yummy stuff, whatever you call it.

[Tigger_the_Wing]

I love black pudding. I am nearly as fond of white pudding, although either are just about impossible to source down here. We would have a slice or two of each, grilled, as part of our weekly cooked Sunday brunch back home with all the family.

But whole, battered and deep-fried? I had some just that way in Scotland oh, must be nearly thirty years ago. With thick, soggy chips. I think my cholesterol levels are almost back to normal…

[Roy Hunter]

OK, I went to an event on Sunday organised by the Health Board in Glasgow. It was about exercise, diet and the benefits of stopping smoking. I took my parents since my Dad has a recent diagnosis of COPD and needs to sort out his lifestyle a bit.

The lunch they provided was fruit, sandwiches (white bread, from a supermarket, mass produced and probably full of fat and salt), crisps (potato chips), chocolate biscuits and sugary fizzy drinks.

My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.

Thank you for listening. Carry on.

[ET, the Extra Terrestrial]

My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.

Hmm. I think I can see the vague outlines of a connection forming through the fog...

[KC Observer]

My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.

I certainly can see the medicinal benefits of a fine single malt. After all, it is designed to served in a fine Scottish cut crystal snifter where the virtues of the content's "nose" can be appreciated and it is supposed to be consumed slowly to be fully appreciated. One is not supposed to quaff Scotch whiskey; one is supposed to sip slowly and appreciate the subtlties of the elixir. One glass a night is good for the heart!

[Roy Hunter]

I certainly can see the medicinal benefits of a fine single malt. After all, it is designed to served in a fine Scottish cut crystal snifter where the virtues of the content's "nose" can be appreciated and it is supposed to be consumed slowly to be fully appreciated. One is not supposed to quaff Scotch whiskey; one is supposed to sip slowly and appreciate the subtlties of the elixir. One glass a night is good for the heart!

I will tell you this, boy! I will tell you this! Therr's nae snifters aboot here! Single malt's fur yer west-end trendies an' yer lawyers an' bankers in Edinburgh! I don't know whit ye dae in Kansas City, but in Glasgow oor whisky is like oor prison sex: rough; unpalateable; and ye don't know if yer gonnae survive the experience!

[KC Observer]

ARRRRGGGGH Matey, if you be swillin' haggis you be needin 'alf a bottle!

[PKMKII]

From the great culinary minds of Scotland, comes this tribute to cardiac arrest: The Glasgow Scooby Snack:

This bad boy consists of:

Fried egg, flat sausage, bacon, cheese, potato scone, and a burger patty are crammed into a floury roll then slashed with cheap, sweet ketchup the color and consistency of fake blood.