The Scottish Diet

Foods to make in praise of our Blessed FSM, pasta based and otherwise.

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PKMKII
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The Scottish Diet

Postby PKMKII » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:12 am

The Scottish Diet is an ingenious nutritional system invented by the Scots to keep their pension funds in balance by reducing the number of people who make it beyond the age of 60. Like many of the world's smartest inventions (most of them invented by the Scots), it is devilishly simple. It increases the premature death rate through a well-balanced diet:

The Scottish Diet
Any and all thing you can eat
But this proportion always heed:
-A third from fat
-A third from sugar
-A third from alcohol
-From time to time, you can eat a small amount of fruits, in the form of jams or preserves, or even better, distilled.

Examples of the Scottish Diet include Deep-Fried Cheesburgers
Image

And Deep-Fried Pizza
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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby Cardinal Fang » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:38 am

Don't forget that other contribution to haute cuisine: the deep fried mars bar

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby TwistedSister » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:59 am

I can't wait to see what Roy has to add to this.
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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby Roy Hunter » Thu Sep 03, 2009 5:17 pm

A special plea of veritas.

Carry on.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby daftbeaker » Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:01 pm

From Have I Got News For You a couple of weeks ago (was a repeat):
"VAT has been reduced on sausages, bacon and biscuits; or as they're known in Scotland, health foods".

And from Mock the Week: "It's like the menu in a Scottish restaurant, there isn't much on it and what there is you don't want".

Having said all that, you do have to be trying to find those revolting things. Some of the nicest pies I've had have been from Scotland.
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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial » Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:23 pm

It's hard for me to disparage the Scottish diet with any enthusiasm. After all, one of the featured items is Scotch. :drinking:

Probably helps them get past all that other stuff... :drunk:
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
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English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby daftbeaker » Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:49 pm

ET, the Extra Terrestrial wrote:It's hard for me to disparage the Scottish diet with any enthusiasm. After all, one of the featured items is Scotch. :drinking:

Probably helps them get past all that other stuff... :drunk:

Do you perhaps mean whisky?

Never understood why people refer to whisky as Scotch, that's a type of egg :idiot:

A very Scottish idea, now I think about it. Egg, covered in sausagemeat, covered in breadcrumbs and deep-fried.
There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this - Sir Terry Pratchett

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial » Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:28 pm

Sorry, it's an Americanism. Short for "Scotch Whiskey". Yummy stuff, whatever you call it.
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby Tigger_the_Wing » Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:58 am

I love black pudding. I am nearly as fond of white pudding, although either are just about impossible to source down here. We would have a slice or two of each, grilled, as part of our weekly cooked Sunday brunch back home with all the family.

But whole, battered and deep-fried? I had some just that way in Scotland oh, must be nearly thirty years ago. With thick, soggy chips. I think my cholesterol levels are almost back to normal…

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby Roy Hunter » Mon Sep 07, 2009 6:46 am

OK, I went to an event on Sunday organised by the Health Board in Glasgow. It was about exercise, diet and the benefits of stopping smoking. I took my parents since my Dad has a recent diagnosis of COPD and needs to sort out his lifestyle a bit.

The lunch they provided was fruit, sandwiches (white bread, from a supermarket, mass produced and probably full of fat and salt), crisps (potato chips), chocolate biscuits and sugary fizzy drinks.
:facewall: :furious: :nefyoobash:
My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.
:facewall: :furious: :nefyoobash:
Thank you for listening. Carry on.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial » Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:37 pm

Roy Hunter wrote:My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.

Hmm. I think I can see the vague outlines of a connection forming through the fog...
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby KC Observer » Tue Sep 22, 2009 7:58 am

My Mum bought a raffle ticket and won... a bottle of whisky! At an event to promote public health. In a city with one of the worst drink-related health records in Europe.


I certainly can see the medicinal benefits of a fine single malt. After all, it is designed to served in a fine Scottish cut crystal snifter where the virtues of the content's "nose" can be appreciated and it is supposed to be consumed slowly to be fully appreciated. One is not supposed to quaff Scotch whiskey; one is supposed to sip slowly and appreciate the subtlties of the elixir. One glass a night is good for the heart!
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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby Roy Hunter » Tue Sep 22, 2009 1:46 pm

KC Observer wrote:I certainly can see the medicinal benefits of a fine single malt. After all, it is designed to served in a fine Scottish cut crystal snifter where the virtues of the content's "nose" can be appreciated and it is supposed to be consumed slowly to be fully appreciated. One is not supposed to quaff Scotch whiskey; one is supposed to sip slowly and appreciate the subtlties of the elixir. One glass a night is good for the heart!

Rab C. Nesbitt wrote:Image
I will tell you this, boy! I will tell you this! Therr's nae snifters aboot here! Single malt's fur yer west-end trendies an' yer lawyers an' bankers in Edinburgh! I don't know whit ye dae in Kansas City, but in Glasgow oor whisky is like oor prison sex: rough; unpalateable; and ye don't know if yer gonnae survive the experience!
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.

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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby KC Observer » Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:11 pm

ARRRRGGGGH Matey, if you be swillin' haggis you be needin 'alf a bottle!
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Re: The Scottish Diet

Postby PKMKII » Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:11 pm

From the great culinary minds of Scotland, comes this tribute to cardiac arrest: The Glasgow Scooby Snack:
Image
This bad boy consists of:
Fried egg, flat sausage, bacon, cheese, potato scone, and a burger patty are crammed into a floury roll then slashed with cheap, sweet ketchup the color and consistency of fake blood.
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré


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