Second half, I think it's actually pretty good. I haven't had the time to time it (ha), but I'll do that later today. I have no pictures yet, though I may be able to acquire some scientific graphs for the science section. I was a bit worried about the presentation being too dry, but it's the more serious part, so I don't feel so bad. But if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear how I can spice it up.
Also, it should be noted that it gets more note-like than script-like in some parts, but if you're familiar with the subject matter, it shouldn't be hard to know what to say.
She Blinded Me With Science!
Gravity vs. Noodle Pressure
Gravity is one of the many unproven “theories” being taught in science class today. Since it is unproven, clearly any other suggestion is just as valid, so I submit the FSM. You see, the reason we don’t fly off the earth is because the FSM pushes down on us. Examples: midgets get more touching. 0 C.E. male height: 5’3” 2000 C.E male height: 5’10”. Third world countries, health crisis/poverty yields shorter population. Pg 4
Two subjects were asked to fast for 72 hours to minimize outside forces. Then one was given typical Catholic Communion, paper thin wafer. The other was given typical FSM Communion, large portions of spaghetti and meatballs. Christian: listless, decreased heart rate, body temp, brain function. Pastafarian: increased heart rate, body temperature, brain function, felt “full”. Pg 38
Evolution: Kiwi birds are flightless, no predators. FSM: Kiwi birds are lazy. Dump Truck Over Cliff experiment, pg 48.
Conclusion: We Rock.
It is experiments, logical conjecture, and well-cooked meals like the ones I’ve just mentioned that are evidence for the FSMs superiority over not only Evolution and other fancy-pants science, but of all other forms of Intelligent Design.
But Seriously, Folks:
Separation of Church and State:
The issue that started all this was the teaching of Intelligent Design in public high school science class, next to Evolution. Pastafarian exists to show how silly the arguments and tactics of ID are, since they can be used in favor of a floating cosmic complex-carbohydrate. This is the main, or at least original purpose of the church.
Correlation vs. Causation.
One of the main blunders that ID makes sometimes is confusing correlation with causation. The original reason for the pirate graph is to highlight that this is not always the case: you can’t just make a graph and call it science.
Lighten up, dude.
A lot of people get unhealthily worked up about issues. Religion is one of them. FSM is designed to help emphasize the importance of not taking oneself too seriously. 7th I’d Really Rather You Didn’t: “Get Over Yourself. You’re Not That Interesting.” It’s like Political Cartoons. We still take government and the issues brought up in cartoons seriously, but we still laugh at it. The Daily Show/Colbert Report: Sure they’re funny, but they’re also making important points.
God =/= Proof
We provide a tool for analyzing the validity of religious apologetics and other attempts to logically prove anything about a god. In this, the FSM is much like the Invisible Pink Unicorn and Russells Teapot. You can't prove that any of them are not true. (But with Pastafarianism, we have all of the trappings of other religions, which they lack.) If you take any argument for the existence of a particular god, insert the FSM, and find that the argument makes just as much logical sense as before, then it's a poor argument. Any valid argument for preferring one particular religion over another has got to be good enough that it can't be FSM'd. We can also counter claims of truth stemming from a holy book because we have one too. If they claim to be special because of "chosen people" or "sacred garments" or "ritual meals", we've got all that. If they try to be "sciencey" we can be just as "sciencey" right back at them. (We have a graph and everything!) Our point is, you can’t prove or disprove any sort of God, and you shouldn’t either.
The Church Grows and Expands:
Bobby Henderson is cautious about defining the role of the church, as it means different things to different people. He’s said that “People get something out of religion despite their lack of literal belief; peace, a sense of community, a way to understand the world – whatever. With Pastafarianism, literal belief is even less important; belief is not required for our religion, because we have no irrational Dogma that requires faith.” Also: “We are pursuing a religion that makes the world a better place. It means something different to each of us. We don’t need to analyze it.”
The current goal Bobby has for the church is the pirate ship, to travel the world and spread the word, hold rallies, be awesome, etc. Currently all proceeds of the Gospel and merchandise go to that fund (or feeding Bobby, which is certainly within reason).
FSM as a Unifying Force.
There’s some who say that all the worlds religions really point to basically the same thing, or that they must all be interpretations of something similar. The FSM can be that thing, as it’s a made-up Deity. Not that it *is* that thing, but it can be used to describe it. Pastafarians come from all walks of life, atheists, Christians, UUs, hindus, you name it. Some even truly believe in the FSM. (Personal note: My agnostic leanings lead me away from espousing belief in a deity, but any religious experience I have had has been in the Pastafarian Context. FSM is my deity of choice) Through the FSM, people of all faiths can worship together simply by dressing like pirates and eating pasta, and who doesn’t enjoy doing that?
What Can You Do?
Spread The Word
More than anything, exposure is the most important thing to any movement. Money helps in a capitalistic society, and using that money to actually do good is the ultimate goal, but the best way to get said money is to have a large following. Don’t be afraid to explain the FSM to someone else.
Be A Pirate
People often make statements by wearing a message on a shirt, or certain garb. Well, if you dress like a pirate, believe me, you will get some attention. If you are not able to dress like a pirate all the time, perhaps just on Fridays. That makes the practice more regular, and also more peculiar, prompting more questions, that you can easily answer. If full regalia is not feasible, you could just wear a T-shirt or something. If you don’t want to be bombarded by questions every day, or every week, how about once a year? September 19th is Talk Like A Pirate Day, and is the most holy holiday. An Excellent chance to dress up like a pirate, talk like a pirate, have fun with friends, and go out and educate the masses!
Join The Forum
If you’re a socially inept shut-in who spends their entire day on the computer, why not join the forum? There’s a vibrant community of die-hard Pastafarians ready to discuss any questions you may have, or if you prefer just lurking, it’s an excellent source for Pastafarian current events and discussions. I will also note that it is the source of the Loose Canon, and the location in which that is continually collected and organized, at least until further notice.
There are of course shirts, mugs, earrings, bumper stickers, etc that you can purchase for reasonable prices. If you’re going to donate, you might as well get something out of it.
Form Your Own Chapter
Perhaps the most important aspect of the church; literally growing it. In High School you can form a club, or if there aren’t enough people for a club/no sponsor/not quite the right climate, getting a group of people to dress like pirates on Fridays can produce the same results. Club or no, I suggest dressing like a pirate, and going to a local food location after school and having a good time, explaining the point if people get curious. Just be careful not to offend. Prime locations are either Italian/pizza, and/or places that plenty of local students go to. As for college, you can have more success with Clubs. They generally have a member requirement, but the college will often be able to give you more support. In high school, hanging out and eating pasta is all good and fine, but if you make one of these groups in college, it’s important to have plenty of activities. Having regular Friday services can be very helpful. They don’t need to be terribly structured, but if you can make the point more than just eating and drinking together, you’re getting somewhere. You could assign different people different weeks to write something, either a sermon, or just something spiritually significant. You could also go for more of a Quaker style, less structured worship time.
I'd like specific feedback on FSM as a Unifying Force, since I want to make sure that makes sense to everyone.
Also, the Form Your Own Chapter section is more based on what I think sounds about right than experience. If anyone who has experience with regular groups, do share any advice you have!
Every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one them, it gets up and kills. The people it kill get up and kill!
But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'