I woke up this morning to the sounds of a helicopter hovering around. Going outside to look, I saw a man with a gun running away. Deciding that he was being looked for, I ran after him in only a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, with nothing on my feet. Catching up with him, he turned and fired on me. Seeing what he was doing, I used my l33t skills in several martial arts to dodge his shot, which isn't easy when it's a sawn-off shotgun someone's firing. After he'd emptied both barrels, I ran towards him whilst making the mating call of a Woolly Mammoth, a sound that hasn't been heard on this planet for many thousands of years. This disoriented him enough for me to gain a hold on him. It was then that I realised he was trained as an elite ninja by a shadowy governmental organisation. The fight was epic, something on the scale of the battle of the Somme, but with just two people. After an hour of intense hand-to-hand combat, I finally managed to subdue him until the authorities arrived to take him away for re-training. I couldn't be given an award or officially thanked for it due to the sensitive nature of the issue, but I was pleased with a job well done.
(Ok, so the first sentence is real...)
Roland Deschain - Half prophet, half gunslinger, all Pastafarian!
"Since Alexander Pearce escaped, over 250 people have disappeared in the Tasmanian wilderness. No remains have ever been found." - Dying Breed