That night, all the witches assembled around the black stove in the forest to see for themselves the FSM's own begotten wench. The maiden pirate was totally hot, both attractively and thermally, for she was conceived in a pot over a high flame, and she raised up her hand and spoketh to her witches. "Avast me humble pirates, ye who practice the Old Religion! I be Aradiatori! Daughter of the Flyin' Spaghetti Mistress! And I have come ta' teach ye all the ways of the Pirates and reveal to ye the Secrets of the Noodle, for the tide has come for a revival of the Old Ways!" And the pasta witches did celebrate the arrival of their Queen of the Pirates, and they studied the arcane arts of pasta long since forgotten.
Aradiatori taught them the ancient and forgotten myths of the Pirates, and of the magical powers of Pasta. She also told them of the midgets and midgits, of Fearsome Pirate Pete, and the mysterious disappearance of Solipsy. She told them of the Antlered Pirate God, who has antlers made out of forks for some reason, and how he totally nails the Flyin' Spaghetti Mistress the first day o' May, impregnating her with the noodles that would become the laws of nature.  And they celebrated the ancient fertility holidays, with Aradiatori leading, "Yea! Hail the Mistress, full of new pasta again! Yea! For the Flyin' Spaghetti Mistress is a Tipsy Airhead that does not take much to get in bed!"
Aradiatori also liberated their spirits from the repression of their Darwinian society, and bid them to go skinny dipping along the beach, and perform saucy rituals under the moon (both R-rated and literally involving spaghetti sauce), and to be nood as noodles are in their rites. "Feel ye no embarressment to wear a kitchen apron and nothing underneath! For all acts of stove and leisure are my rituals!" She taught her witches to firm against the Darwinists, but also to be compassionate, and explained how to conduct themselves with the Kitchen Rede: "An it parm' none, chew as ye will," meaning as long as no one throws parmesan in yer face, ye must treat them nicely.
The Pirate Maiden taught them the deeper secrets of the cosmos, that deep down, at a level too small for even the most powerful of sciencey microscopes to detect, everything is made of tiny vibrating noodles. She told her witches "Believeth not that ye are just meat and bone, as the Darwinist Church will tell ye. For within, Noodly beings are we!" To show them the noodly wonders of the cosmos, Aradiatori taught them the art of "pastral projection," how to send their spirits out of their bodies and explore the FSMistress' Beer Volcano for themselves, like a sailor casts a parrot to explore unreachable islands.
As the witches traveled, Aradiatori came upon a Spanish town, where the people ate nothing but blasphemous paella, a miserable concoction of Valencian rice. And so with her magical cooking powers, Aradiatori extracted the hated rice and in its place put vermicelli, and called this new dish Fideua. And the Spaniards rejoiced at the sight of pasta, and they baptised their young ones in the meal, and Aradiatori back away from them slowly. And the knowledge of the Noodly Daughter began to spread, like butter over a hot plate full of of linguine, and the false Darwinist Church found itself in boiling water.
Avast Earthlings! This salty space bug done lexicon'd 3 tales:
- The Tale o' Pirate Lass Pici
- ARadiatori: Or the Gospel of the Kitchens
- The Chef of Star Kitchen Outpost