The Great Dark Age

[Roland Deschain]

Here follows my first lore submission for the 2nd edition of the Loose Canon. I'll cut it down into parts so that each post doesn't have too much in it:-

The Great Dark Age

Chapter 1

It was long ago that The Great Dark Age first began. The pasta had long left most kitchens, and the people fell into disrespect and pointlessness. Many things were lost to the age, and have yet to reappear, but with the light of the new pasta movement, they may yet do so. Here follows the account of its loss, and the account of its reacquisition.

Pasta had been long loved and respected in the world, especially within the countries of Italy and Japan, whose different styles of spaghetti were well-known to the enlightened, the pirates, and the midgets. People rejoiced in its simplicity and elegance; in its being a good source of starch for our diets. One such member of the enlightened, Elaine, both a pirate and a midget, revered the pasta above all others, and spent her time sailing the seven seas, spreading its tasty news far and wide, but whilst she was absent from her home port, trouble brewed there. It began with the invention of the first antipasto by a simple man. He thought that this was his greatest achievement, and expounded its virtues to his friends. They began making their own, and soon there was such a wide choice of antipasti, nobody knew what to do with it.

The first pasta to disappear from menus due to the popularity of antipasti was fusilli, followed by tortellini, ravioli, and many others, until only linguini and spaghetti were left due to their relative simplicity. People began preferring the antipasti over all other meals, and before long, it was a rare occurrence to hear the ordering of pasta in any establishment, or see the kneading of flour and egg. In fact, so popular had it become, that its own adherents soon spread from Elaine's home port of Pastador, and travelled into the mainland of Italy. The scourge of antipasti spread like wild fire, and soon left the borders of Italy, spreading across Europe, and into the middle east, Asia, and Africa.

You see the major difference between pasta and antipasti were their methods of initial travel. Pasta, being holy, spread first by sea into the ports of the world, and by pirate ship at that. Antipasti, being unholy, spread first by land, and almost never touched any body of water if it could help it. The only way it reached the Americas was by people crossing the ice bridge between Siberia and Alaska, such was the hatred of water. If you were to look at a map, it would shockingly highlight this major difference quite plainly, and this is what made the antipasti travel with the speed it did. Whole communities that once revered pasta as Elaine did were now revering the antipasti and its deceptive simplicity. The knowledge of pasta soon was lost to many places, and in those places it survived, was only there as something different. Few were those who remembered its preparation.

Antipasti had not yet reached Japan due to its relative isolation by sea, but it was pressing at the borders of China and Korea, the pressure mounting until one day the dam broke, and the flood waters of antipasti poured forth across those lands, smothering all in the deluge of antipasti propaganda. The people had held onto the old and holy ways for as long as they could, but it was too much for them. The emperor of China had even built a large wall to keep out the antipasti proselytisers, but they managed to get around it with their perseverance. Eventually, it had taken over the world, with Japan being the only nation in which it was unheard of.

Chapter 2

Now at this time, Elaine was in Japan, the home of her mother (only her father was Italian), and was visiting family. It was a Friday, so she was dressed in pirate regalia as required, and enjoying the holy meal of noodles and fish balls with them, when the door suddenly burst open.

"Oh pirate Elaine, most revered prophet of the pasta incarnate, hear me, I beseech thee!" cried the man on his knees. Everyone was most shocked at this, as it was completely unexpected, but Elaine, being a kind and gentle woman, stood up and spoke to the man.

"Be not afraid of me, young man, for I will listen to thy words with humility and kindness," said Elaine, at which the man burst into forthright tears. Elaine dried them with her piratical sleeves and looked at him tenderly. "Tell me what ails thee, most faithful friend."

"I have just returned from a journey, and was refused entry into every Chinese port along the coast. When I asked them why, they said that it was because I had not accepted the antipasti as reverent, and not shunned the wickedness of pasta." At this a gasp of shock spread around the table as a sense of foreboding spread through all present.

Could this be what I had feared beyond all else? thought Elaine as she paced to and fro. Could this be the end of the world, as foretold by St. Pa Stasor my ancestor? This greatly troubled her, and caused wrinkles to form on her perfect brow. "I must meditate on this, and beseech the FSM for His most holy guidance," she said at last.

Making her apologies and leaving the house of her relatives, she went away to a quiet place she liked to use for contemplation, tears running down her smooth cheeks. As she sat thinking on the FSM, all she could see were images of a beer volcano and a stripper factory. Suddenly, the realisation came to her what the FSM was saying; that she needed to go where the grog and the strippers were! She sped to the port to speak to the pirates assembled in the bars, taverns and brothels there. She needed to confirm this before acting, but everywhere she went, the story was the same. There were even pirates from Spain there, who had encountered the same message of antipasti everywhere they went. This was not what she wanted to hear, but it was what she knew in her pre-frontal cortex was true.

The mood was dark in the docks, very dark, and the rising air of despair was beginning to get to her, so she decided to engage in decent piratical activities to clear her head, and allow her the time to think of her plan. After entering Kanagawa-san's Grog & Stripper Sanctum, Elaine took a booth seat, and ordered a jug of their strongest ale. At first she was sipping, but before long, Elaine was quaffing and feeling the effects, which aroused her in other ways. Signalling to Kanagawa-san that she wanted company, one of the male strippers approached and sat next to her. She wondered whether to apologize, send him away, and ask for one of the female strippers instead, but at that point she could not be bothered to do so. Needless to say, she made the best of what she had, and eventually left feeling satisfied in more ways than one.

Heading for her ship, she spied her crew ambling back from their night's pleasantries, all looking the worse for wear as usual, but with an undercurrent of fear. The news had begun to spread! It was then that a plan began formulating in her mind.

[Roland Deschain]

The Great Dark Age

Chapter 3

The pirate Elaine knew that a dark age had befallen the world, and that Japan was its last best hope for enlightenment. Over the coming months, more and more pirates sailed to Japan with many refugees from the enlightened peoples of the world. With such a large number of people arriving, the taverns and hostelries were soon full, so a grand effort was made to accommodate them, with buildings of bamboo appearing wherever there was space. The pirates, for the first time in their lives, forsook their ships for land, and although this was difficult, it was a necessity for them. Gone were their traditional short swords in favour of the katana, the weapon of the Samurai. The pirates also took on some of the dress of the Samurai, modelling their hats and clothing, but being pirates, the old ways were never truly lost. Eventually, the pirates ended up with a dress that was partway between what they used to wear, and the dress of the Samurai. Even the katanas of many were put aside in places of honour, and replaced with a weapon that resembled it, but was also similar in design to the short sword. This was thenceforth known as the cutlass, which was like a curved short sword.

The pirates felt an affinity with the Samurai, as their codes of honour were quite similar, and before long the pirate code evolved into a new version of Bushido, their central tenets being:-

• Rectitude (義) - Uphold the way of the Most Holy Pasta and Piracy.
• Courage (勇) - Defend the Most Holy Pasta and Piracy in all situations.
• Benevolence (仁) - Give freely of the Most Holy Pasta and Piratical advice and assistance.
• Respect (礼) - Respect the diversity of pasta, and the code of the Pirate.
• Honesty (誠) - Never lie about pasta, or about being a Pirate.
• Honour (名誉) - Honour the code, and all that it stands for.
• Loyalty (忠義) - Never leave a fellow Pirate in their hour of need.

In fact, so taken were many of the pirates with the Samurai, and vice versa, they took to spending time learning each others' arts, so that it got to the stage where you could tell neither one from the other if they were appropriately dressed. Japan was dramatically changed by this, as were its visitors, and Japan entered a new era of enlightenment, where peace reigned supreme, and co-operation drove the people forward.

The pirates, as they arrived, brought with them all the recipes for pasta that they could, and it was to Elaine that these were taken, for she had taken upon herself to write them all down in a great book to rival that of Pastucius himself. Many pirates set sail again to explicitly collect any recipes that could be found, along with any of the enlightened that had survived the scourge of the antipasti, which became known as The Great Search. More was saved than Elaine would have thought possible, amongst which were some of the greatest thinkers of her day. Most were from the East, as it was easier for them to get to Japan than it was for those from Africa or Europe, but there was still hope, as little enclaves of freethought and pasta still survived throughout the world, although their number was few.

Chapter 4

Reports began to file in about the state of health of the adherents of the antipasti, as a plague began to sweep the lands. The greatly decreased amount of starch, and therefore carbohydrates, in the diets of the world had devastating effects. People began lacking glucose and other sugars, byproducts of eating pasta, which led to a slowing of the brain's functions, irritability, and exhaustion. The people couldn't think as quickly as before, which combined with the irritability, led to wars, but these wars were short-lived due to the lethargy. This caused more local outbreaks of lethargic violence, with most not bothering, but what damage was caused was almost the cause of the end of civilisation. The long-term effect of lethargy meant that not enough food was being grown, repairs were not made to infrastructure or housing, and the people became emaciated. Birth rates also dropped dramatically, and what used to be once thriving cities, full of the hustle and bustle of life, became virtual ghost towns, a few poor souls wandering slowly along the streets.

Elaine knew that her efforts must be redoubled, and that something had to be done soon, but the forces of the antipasti were strong; maybe even too strong for her. A great meeting was called, gathering together all the pirate ship captains, the Samurai clan leaders, the greatest thinkers of Japan, and all the enlightened amongst the Japanese and the refugees from the rest of the world. The meeting began with all who had news of the outside world telling the assembly what was going on. Many there did not truly understand the scale of the issue until then, and many a gasp was heard. Once the news had began recounted to all, a great silence fell upon the assembly, as if something profound was about to happen, but it wasn't long before one captain voiced his own solution.

"We need to look at the teachings of Pastucius to find our way out of this mess," he said, looking around him. "When affairs cannot be carried on to success, piracy and pasta do not flourish," he began, "to govern by virtue, let us compare it to the North Star: it stays in its place, while the myriad stars wait upon it. The expectations of the pirate depend upon diligence; the pirate that would perfect his work must first sharpen his cutlass. We must await the outcome of this, then attend to the solution!"

This caused a great stir among the people, as many murmured partial agreement with him. At this, a Samurai clan leader stepped forward, saying, "But this is to do nothing in the face of adversity. Wise are your words, fellow enlightened one, as you advise caution and patience, two great virtues in anyone, yet you advocate inaction. We need to follow Pas Tza and be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby we can be the director of our opponent's fate. If we confront them with annihilation, they will then survive; plunge them into a deadly situation, they will then live. When people fall into danger, they are then able to strive for victory. Only this can lead us to victory, and bring enlightenment back to our world!"

Once again, there was a murmur, greater this time due to the rousing words of the Samurai, an advocate of all-out warfare on the antipasti scourge. The assembly fell silent once again, contemplating the wise words just heard, when Elaine walked into the silent throng. All eyes fell upon her, as she stood there, head bowed and eyes closed. It appeared as if she was meditating whilst standing up, one of the skills of an experienced pirate captain, until her eyes suddenly fluttered open.

"Sistren and brethren. Pirate and Midget. Samurai and philosopher. We are enlightened, one and all. We hear the words of wisdom from our fellows, and agree with both, yet we are torn between one and the other. Did Pas Tza not say "It is only the enlightened ruler and the wise general who will use the highest intelligence of the army for the purposes of spying, and thereby they achieve great results"? This we have done in our endeavours. Did not Pastucius say "A superior pirate is modest in their speech, but exceeds in their actions"? This we have yet to do. But there is another way. A path to true enlightenment that each of us knows, yet has somehow forgotten. I speak of The Way of Penne." Elaine stood there, looking at the open mouths of astonishment from many of those assembled, and smiled inwardly. She had brought them all to where she needed them. Many days and weeks she had spent meditating on this issue, seeing elusive images from the FSM, and maybe many that were not, but it was the act itself that finally made her realise what was needed.

"The journey of a thousand leagues must begin with a single sail. The ocean is like a mirror, you see? Smile and your crew smile back. Give a pirate pasta and you feed them for a day. Teach a pirate to make pasta, and you feed them for a lifetime!" she told them. A murmur began once again, which rose to a tumult of applause and agreement. Calling for silence once again, Elaine explained to them all, "I have finished the finest book ever written. Within its sacred cover is every known recipe for pasta. This must be copied and spread. We have the pirates, we have the ships, but this is not going to be an easy undertaking. It must spread from port to port, from country to country, until the whole world is in a new age of enlightenment. We must not stop. We must not falter. Step by step we will take back this world, and reclaim it for Him!"

The audience erupted once again, but louder than before. Elaine's empassioned speech had aroused them all, and together they were going to take back what was lost.

[Roland Deschain]

The Great Dark Age

Chapter 5

It was The Time of Copy Pasta in which the sacred Book of Pasta, as it had come to be known, was transcribed by many into the tongues of the world. This was such an undertaking, that almost everyone not involved in preparing the fleet was used, from the making of the pages from rice and olive tree wood, the making of the ink by the milking of squid, to the transcribing itself. Millions of books were eventually produced for the effort, and were loaded onto the ships, now repaired, scrubbed clean (even the bilges), and ready to sail out into the world. A new breed of pirate had evolved in this time, more spiritual, more forthright, and far deadlier than before, regaled as they were in their new finery, replete with cutlass and pointy hat.

Elaine had worked tirelessly for the 10 years it took to prepare everything, co-ordinating the transcription in The Time of Copy Pasta, organising the refit of the pirate fleet, and formulating the plans for the second coming of pasta to the world. Many were the sacrifices made by Elaine, and big was the hardship, but by meditation, not to mention the consumption of every type of pasta in the book, she made it through, looking and feeling healthier than she had ever done. The same was true of most of the enlightened folk, as they endeavoured to make right what was wrong.

Thus The Time of Kneading drew near, when the preparation was finished and the spreading of pasta was to begin. A great assembly was called for all who could attend, and they did gather in the greatest meeting hall ever built. Millions attended to see pirate Elaine speak in what was to be the seminal speech of the year.

"Sistren and Brethren. Pirates and Midgets. Samurai. We, the enlightened ones, have worked hard these past years in preparation for this day. No longer shall we see the world suffer through the tyrannies and inequities of the antipasti. Long have we laboured by night and by day. Much is the pasta we have eaten, and many are the Holy Meals we have shared. Today is a new beginning. Today we start anew. Today we embrace The Art of Penne. Do not think of what you do, just react, for reaction without thinking is what is needed for Him to take us over and touch us. There are many here who agree that we must act, but do not fully agree with the methods, and for listening to me I say thank you, but I shall now show you all that we are both blessed and touched by Him," Elaine told the assembly.

Looking around from the very centre of the people, she asked everyone to close their eyes and empty their minds. Slowly, circle by circle, the people did so, and they were instantly filled with a peace so calm as to make them think they were flying. "Merge your mind with cosmic space, integrate your actions with myriad forms," suggested Elaine, as the assembled people began swaying slightly, when suddenly everyone heard a kind yet booming voice in their heads.

"HEAVEN AND EARTH COME FROM THE SAME NOODLE AS MYSELF. ALL APPENDAGES AND I BELONG TO ONE WHOLE." The room shook suddenly, as everyone felt a pressure against their person, and the entire assemblage shrunk by exactly 2.54 centimetres. He had not only touched them with His Noodly Appendages, but had showed them favour by pushing them towards midgethood. A cry of joy went up as the assembled people rejoiced that He had chosen to show Himself to them.

As the meeting came to a close, Elaine assigned ports for the enlightened to travel to, the details of which were already written and placed close to the pirate captains. When asked where she would be travelling to, Elaine replied, "If you want to climb a mountain, begin at the top. I shall be going to Pastador, the heart of the antipasti menace!" A hush followed as many realised how dangerous a part of the mission she had chosen for herself, and many offered to take her place, beseeching her not to risk her life so. "I would rather sink to the bottom of the sea for endless aeons than seek liberation through all the antipasti of the universe," replied Elaine, "I shall go with my fearless crew and spread word there myself, for to no other would I assign this most risky of missions. Go in peace, oh enlightened ones. RAmen!"

"RAmen," echoed the people. The meeting was now over, and the real work was about to begin.

Chapter 6

The journey was long and arduous as the crew did all they could to keep their spirits up. Much dried pasta and noodles had been packed, along with meatballs and fish balls, not to mention the large amount of grog. Many months it took to get to even the Cape of Good Hope, with many more to travel up Africa to the Gibraltar straits, and into the Mediterranean sea. Elaine did her best to maintain high spirits in her crew, but the more they saw of that state of the people whenever they were forced to anchor the ship off the coast and row ashore, the more depressed they became. Pirate Elaine ended up steering a course well clear of the coast, as she knew the effect it was having. She also knew that there were many other ships sailing for the places they anchored near, so was content in the fact that soon the mission would begin in earnest.

There were ships sent to every major and minor port on the coasts of Africa, the Americas, Europe, Asia, and Australasia, with specialist missions to find every enclave of enlightenment, few that they were. The work would be difficult, but using The Art of Penne should make it instinctual, not to mention allowing the enlightened to get closer to Him and His Divine Pastenance. The closer they were to their goal, the more they meditated, until they were able to be once again at peace with themselves and the sea.

The day came when the port of Pastador was spied from the crow's nest, and a hush took itself upon the crew. Captain Elaine was on deck with her spyglass, looking out towards the land, spying for a place to anchor that would be hidden from view. Suddenly she spotted it, and yelled, "Make for St. Pa Stasor's Point, and enter Linguini Cove, first mate Royston." This was obeyed, and the ship was steered towards the relative safety of the harbour. The currents were good, as if moved by an invisible force, and they were soon hidden from view of the mainland. Dropping anchor, they started unloading the crates and rowing them ashore. It took them a while, but that was finally done, and they made their plans to steal into the town at night.

As the moon rose, a procession of pirates lugging crates left the vicinity of the cove, with the captain and first mate heading towards the heart of the town, and hence the heart of antipastidom, and the crew heading to the eating and drinking establishments, not to mention the brothels and strip joints, those hallowed halls of learning. Each carried their fair share of copies of The Book of Pasta, distributing them in secret to the needy and the lost until they needed to come back to the cove for more. Many were not distributed, though, as they were being saved for those further inland.

As Elaine and Royston reached the heart of town, they were stopped dead in their tracks by the sight of a temple to Antipasti. Never before had anyone built a temple to pasta or the power of the FSM, yet here was this monstrosity in the heart of her beloved home! Before leaving the shadows, Elaine made sure that her robe hid her raiment properly, advising Royston to do the same. Across the town square did pirate Elaine walk, although her movements belied her purpose that night, for she stooped a little, and shuffled as she walked, appearing as if one of the antipasti faithful. This way did she gain entry past the lethargic guards of the temple, and passage to the inner sanctum. There the strongest adherents to the antipasti lay. This was the battle Elaine had prepared herself for all those years, as foretold to her by the FSM in a vision of her dressed in drab garb, as she was now, standing in a temple devoted to wasting away.

Standing there as she was, she attracted the attention of one of the priests who approached her, making the sign of the antipasti at her as if in welcome. "I come to seek your wisdom, sirs," said Elaine in as tired a voice as she could manage, "I have travelled many leagues to be here, and seek that which you can tell me."

The priest seemed puzzled by her language and intonation. "Have you, my dear?" he replied. "Tell me that which you seek, and I shall provide it for you." Clapping his hands lazily, he summoned a servant with a tray of antipasti, proffering it to Elaine.

"No," she said, refusing the proffered dish, "I do not partake of this filth." The priest stood back, aghast. Never before had he been spoken to this way. "I come preaching health and forgiveness from Him on high. I come with a gift," she said to him, reaching inside her robe and brandishing The Book of Pasta as if some form of talisman. Taking one quick look at the title of the book, realisation dawned upon him that this was not some joke, or indeed a cruel one. This was what their order had worked so hard to destroy all those years ago. By this stage, all the inhabitants of the room began to realise what was going on between their leader and the strange, drably-dressed woman. To see a woman in here was rare for them, as theirs was strictly a patriarchal society, the ways of the woman having been reduced to childrearing and housekeeping long ago.

Whispers were made, and word went out of what was happening inside the temple, and they had soon attracted quite an audience of lethargic onlookers, eager to see something different. The tension was palpable. "Let us take this outside," suggested Elaine, "I want more people to witness your downfall." Eagerly agreeing to this through his overconfidence, the high priest and all assembled moved from the inner sanctum towards the front doors to the temple, spilling out into the moonlit night. Many had gathered here as well; such a sight that had not been seen since the old days before the downfall and the dark times.

Elaine and the high priest made their way to the middle of the square, the crowd parting for them slowly. Looking round, Elaine saw that most of the faces were relatively young, the old being too weak to move much at all. A circle had opened in the middle of the square, allowing the two of them in as a hush fell upon the crowd. When the two were face to face in the stillness of the night, the Patriarch of antipasti expounded so-called virtues of antipasti to Elaine and the people, weaving his lies so very well. He mentioned the healing properties of the water used in cooking antipasti, stating that when watered down it became far more potent. The people ate these lies like so much antipasti, yet Elaine remained calm and passive throughout the tirade.

Elaine started clapping slowly, emphasising her disdain at his words, slowly building up to a speed unseen and unheard in these lands for many a year. A quiet and not-so-lethargic murmur ran through the crowd. Is this it? Is this the beginning of the end for the antipasti? she thought, moving her hands slowly but surely to the clasp on her cloak. Suddenly Elaine whipped her cloak from her body, revealing her regalia in its full splendour. The priests cowed on the ground at the sight of her magnificence and beauty, at last removed from its cover. "Hear me, you people of Pastador. Once I lived among you as one of you, and I was accepted. My father's family once lived here, but although my mother came from a different land many leagues away, and you were kind to her as any adherent of the One True Pastenance should be. Do you not recognise one of your own? A few gasps were heard from those brave enough to gaze upon her. Elaine removed her cutlass and a copy of The Book of Pasta from their places on her person, raising them towards Him in supplication.

"So I tell you, sistren and brethren, listen unto His teachings, for only through them does real wisdom flow. These are the words of Him to His people." The people began watching ever more closely. "Do you not remember Him saying to us, "I'd really rather you didn't build multimillion-dollar temples...when the money could be better spent ending poverty, curing diseases, living in peace, loving with passion and lowering the cost of cable"? Do you not remember the other commandments passed down to Captain Mosey on Mount Salsa? Remember to keep your mind alive and free without abiding in anything or anywhere." The throng was suddenly and thoroughly enlightened as to the meaning of those words, even the priests were in tears at the realisation of what they had done.

That night, in the square, a feast was made of the Most Holy Meal of spaghetti and meatballs. A sudden transformation occurred, as everyone suddenly felt their energy coming back after so long without any. The Holy Meal had cured them of their ills. A great pressure was felt my all present, too, as if they were being touched heavily, although i'm sure that you'll be unsurprised to hear that all present shrunk by exactly 2.54 centimetres that night. Many books were distributed by Elaine and her crew, and some began copying them straight away, ensuring that they would spread far and wide once again. All who looked upon Elaine that night fell in love with her totally. Such was the feeling spreading throughout everyone, that Elaine allowed a tear to roll down her perfect cheek before its glistening beauty fell from her chin to the floor below. It was at that very spot that an olive tree was planted in memory of that night, which continues to flourish and grow to this day.

[Roland Deschain]

The Great Dark Age

Chapter 7

The coming years were long and arduous. After setting straight the people of Pastador that night, a wave of love and pasta spread through the port and surrounding town. Soon, The Book of Pasta started to spread far and wide into the land, taken by the landlubbers to their neighbours and beyond. Elaine and her crew eventually set sail once the foundation of the new age was set, and moved along the coast, spreading the love of the FSM to all they met. They found that many were crying out for help in this time of great need, and were only too grateful to accept what was given to them. It was also the time of great shortening, as each and every one of them shrunk by exactly 2.54 centimetres as they were touched by His Noodly Appendages. Rains of pasta sauce were seen all over the land, as these were the tears of the FSM, so touched was He by the people coming back.

The story was the same the world over, although others had tougher times with their enlightenment mission. In these places a more subtle approach was needed, as the book was subtly introduced to those with a more open mind, who then spread it onwards. It took many years for the book to gain a foothold along most of the coast, and many years for it to penetrate into the heat of the lands, even with the speed it moved at. People first had to cook and eat of the pasta recipes in the book to be healed, and for many the healing was a very long process, but once done, the pastaful made copies of the book and gave them to others.

We still see the scars of this dark age now, as there are those who refuse to eat of the Holy Meal, but the work goes on and the book circulates. Elaine is a hero of the pirate world, and the dark age altered her beyond reckoning, but she was not all that was altered. The pirate we know today would not exist without the ways of the Samurai and their Bushido code, nor would they look like they do without this influence. The great wall built in China to stop the advance of antipasti is still there as a stark reminder of what once was and what could once happen again. The secret pirates watch tirelessly for this menace to arise again, safeguarding both the original book and the bones of their most revered Elaine.

[Roland Deschain]

Ok, that's it done. I've been thinking throughout the writing that a better name for it would be:-

Penne and the Art of Pasta Making

Forget the "The Great Dark Age" title, as the new one sounds far better to me. What do you think?

[pieces o'nine]

I laughed.

I cried.

I re-considered my supper plans.

RAmen, Brother Roland.

[Roland Deschain]

Thanks, PoN. I was going for a little more serious with this story, with a bit of humour thrown in here and there. I hope you got the really subtle stuff too. I also couldn't resist getting a tie-in to my Linguini piece in the Loose Canon v1.0 in there.

[Platypus Enthusiast]

Yeah Roland, good stuff. Props to you, sir.

[Roland Deschain]

Thanks, PE. I meant to write another story, but didn't get round to it. I hope it's still not too late to add something, as I plan to do so in the next couple of days.

[black bart]

Brilliant Roland. Having just been on my hols in a muslim country (Turkey) I was wondering whether we could adopt something similar to the 'Call to Prayer' which is broadcast from very pretty minarets.

Instead of the minaret we'd have a tall mast from which the chosen Pastafarian in Prate Regalia could shout "Yarrrgh" at certain times of the day and evening (I think we should avoid the 3 o'clock in the morning slot as it don't half annoy the tourists).