The Captain's Log

[The Black Spot]

Cap'ns Log Yarr Date 2806.12

Some blaggard just tried to sell me some post-it parchment notes. Waste o'money - I has a much better way o' remembrin' things.

First o' all, ye finds a head (there usually be a couple lying around after a battle) and ye nails it to yer main mast. Then ye gathers yer crew an' tells 'em that this 'ere head be a reminder to feed the prisoners/write a ransom note/bury yer treasure/anything ye like, an if anyone fergets what the head's for, it'll be their head on the mast tomorrow.

Ain't nuffin' bin forgotten yet.

[black bart]

Capn's Log ...FRIDAY 13TH

Aaaarrgh an us just about ta sail wivin wreckin distance of Skull Black Death Cannibal Cutthroat Island!

Note to self: Pay more attenshun to thee Scumsoft ScumCal Alerts.

Beep Beep Beep...arrrgh there it goes now...AAAAAARRRRGH Nef Yoo's Birfday Again!!!!

[The Black Spot]

Cap'n's log yarr date Friday the 13th.

Arrrr, could be a good day t'day. We be 'aving a bit o' shore leave on Cuthroat Cannibal Skull Island, when I spies a ship on the 'orizon. Should be easy pickens 'ere -- they all looks like they're celebratin' a birthday or summit.

[black bart]

Cap'ns Log Yarr Date 16.7.76

Whole croo rushed onto deck and got blinded by strange bright glowing thing in the sky...help what be it in thee name o Neptoon?

[The Black Spot]

Cap'ns Log Yarr Date 16.7.76

Arrr... the accursed yella thing 'as gone from the skies agen. I must get back t' writin' me far fetched tale...

[black bart]

Capn's Log yarr date 17.7.77

The croo get restless on a long voyage an some o them take ta tryin to conjure deities ta liven things up a bit. I 've written a long list of thee ones wot it would be best to avoid eg Shub-Niggurath, Cthulu, Old Nick etc but I forgot to menshun thee Great God Pan. Wooosh...last night Pan appears on thee poop deck an he aint best pleased to have been conjured in a freezin force ten gale. He demanded to take a soul in payment for playing us some quite nice pan pipe music, which I thought was a bit steep, but I was happy to let the cook go after thee debacle of his last "Weevil Surprise". There was some very nice Nymphs as well but Pan took em with him when he left.

[DaveL]

Capns Yarrr Date: July 1712

Got so drunk last night Oi confused me Captains log with a wooden log and threw it on the fire.
Oi also keep getting splinters trying' to carve journal entries into a piece of timber.

Time to give up alcohol yet again.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Cappins log : yarrdate : 12.06.17

Lorst at sea , provizshuns xsawtid fie daze ago. No logs sins 8 ours affarr arr larst an finul meel .

[Griffin]

Cap'ns Date 2012 summat Log

We be surrownded by foregn ships flyin' lots o' strange flags. H'impossibul ter escaype 'em as we 'as ter keep ter h'onlee wun shippin' layne an' ther be a queueue. Ter mek matters worse, ther 'eletrics 'as gawn and we bin forced ter get owr torches owt.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

um um ahhh um deer capinz log et iz taday um um i um um i gitid owt ob tha bilj an noaw i gunna pway wiff ya alllllllllllll........ dayyyy....

[black bart]

Capn's Log yarr Date 1/8/77

I couldn't believe me eyes terday...two chinese ships avin a battle an both of them aimin ter miss each other. Canon balls goin everywhere but anywhere near each others shyppes. After about half an hour I semaphored thee Captains and asked them wot thee ell was goin on...thee answer came back "We are practicing for the Pyrate Olympicks Badminton Finals".

I has reported them both under thee Pyrate Artickles Sub Section 4a: Miss Use of Balls in thee Face of thee enemy.

[Griffin]

Cap'ns Yaar Date Log 99/01/12

Sailin' up The Thames terday as me crew be convinced ther be stakks o' Gold ter be 'ad in sum village or other.

[DaveL]

YArrr Date 7/8/1712

After me last drinking epis(s)-ode Oi vowed never to touch the grog again...at least until the next toime!

This toime, Oi got "drunk" at the Benbow with this Cosmic Hippy Rainbow Pirate, wearin' strange tie-dyed clothin' and a weird lookin' headband. After he shouted me one tankard, he asked me to meet his friend a Miss "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds". As Oi was lookin' for a bit of company, meetin' Lucy would be a welcome change from a trip to Fifi's.

However, after another tankard (which he also shouted), Oi started seein' strange colours, started running through a pink marshmallow field and dancing on a gigantic pillow with 17 woolly mammoths. Then Oi caught the flying fish back to me ship and fell asleep on a gigantic toadstool with a door mouse.

Oi never did get to meet Lucy that night, although me hippy pirate friend tells me that she was "cosmic" and "far out" man.

After wakin up inside a barrel wearin only a dried haddock, Oi came to the following conclusion...

It was time to give up "drinkin" again!

[black bart]

Cap'ns Yaar Date Log 99/01/12

Sailin' up The Thames terday as me crew be convinced ther be stakks o' Gold ter be 'ad in sum village or other.

arrr they be thinkin o Greenwich belikes...but onlee if ye be prepared to go into Real Estate.

[DaveL]

YArrr Up-Date 8/8/1712

The door mouse keeps hoggin' the giant toadstool and the wooly mammoths won't stop dancin'. Oi think Lucy in the Sky is paying me a visit again.

I am the egg-man...now where did Oi put me haddock?