Pyrate Olympicks

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

... And Bart is in fine form ... pear shaped ...a rather large one at that .
The crowd has hushed as Bart addresses the javelin , nasty words ... Bart should be ashamed , what has that javelin ever done to him ?

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

HO !
rrrrrrrrrrrrr
i fink unca fArt gunna wet wun fwy rrrrr

[Ravi Oli]

Hunforshunetly Bart be bendin' ova pretendin ta warmup stretch [when trewly 'e be troien ta peek up thee skirts ov a wench in thee crowd] an' 'e catchez 'is furst javelin roight ware 'is mummy neva kissed 'im goodnight. Thee hunedukated crowd cheers lowdly, mistakin bart's lowd yowl an' mad runnin abowt holdin the speer in 'is buttoks as a sorwta viktory cellarbrashun.

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

an hee bedder not et too mush cheez afor bed tyme ..rrrrr

[Ravi Oli]

Aye ye yung skaliwag Nef... 'twud be verry 'ard fer im ta cut the cheze wiv a jav'lin up 'is arse.

[black bart]

"Who threw that bleeding javelin when I weren't ready?". Exclaimed Bart whilst trying not to recall his days as a cabin boy. Waving his bandana aloft Bart signalled to the judges that he was ready for his first attempt...

[pieces o'nine]

...he steps hup t'thee gangplank. But there be a co-motion amungst thee judges, wot arrrgh suspishus ov weather thee javelins (supplyed by Bart Industries) be regyoolashun oar knot...

[black bart]

An hexpert javelin hefter is brought in to test thee javelins:



Helen of Tottenham lifts the javelin and prods a passing Persian with it's pointy end..."Ouch" exclaims thee unfortunate fellar, "We apologise for burning thee Acropolis down in 700, 600 and 500 BC, now leave orf".

[Roy Hunter]

Nice action with her hand on the shaft there... Oh, sorry, we're not in Talk Like A Landlubber here, are we?

[Ravi Oli]

Nay Roy... ye can wash'n'eyen Yung Helen's sweatie loincloth fer punishment wen she be done tossin'!!

Wert onlee me knowtised thee conspeetorial winks parsed between bart, Helen and thee Persian-in-thee-crowd? Sommats afoote 'ere fer shore! Anyhowse bart minces back ta 'is catchin' mark [know dowt from 'is earlier unfortshunate catch?] an' sez "C'mon sweetie... 'it me wiv yore rythum stik!"

[black bart]

Suddenlee Bart realised if he was ta make thee catch in his yewsyewal expert manner and get a 9.8 from thee judges he'd meet thee unbeaten Chinese Master Yu Stin Ki Pu in thee Semmy Final...there was onlee one thing for it Bart would have to flunk thee catch!

[pieces o'nine]

Thee judges 'ave kicked Black Bart out ov thee javelin compatishun. 'E don't seam too down-in-thee mouf abowt hit, though, an 'as starrrted hecklin' thee next pyrathelete, thee one an onlie...


...Meanwhyle, the next hevent ov Tabbe Hexacapin' is starrrtin' hup in thee Pubbe Venyoo. So far, capn pieces o'nine is in thee lead, successfullee placin' cone-yaks on thee tabbes ov all thee ovver contenders, an dodgin' any hattempts at retallyashun... But wait! One ov thee pyrathletes is orderin' a round ov Capn's Delights wiv Brasso (hoffishal sponsor) Chasers... Thee competishun is posin' a credible threat...


...An over at thee Treasure Diggin' Pavillyun, the Ossie Teame is makin' headway...

[Griffin]

Later...... the Ossie teame 'as dug up the Treasure Diggin' Pavillyun an ther be lotts o' h'empti spectater seets as all the spectayters as rushed into the arena, 'opeful 'o pikkin up a coyn or too.

[Ravi Oli]

Arrrrrr gud luck ta them spectaters n'otha contestants Griff... Oi sold a 'eap ov 'em suvaneer programmes wot 'ad a treasure map on back... ownlee twas leftovas frum thee larst Pyralympics. Me 'n thee lads dug up thee reel treasure larst nite.

Oi herd thee Dutchie lads 'ad a good thinge goin'... they 'as a cave sponserd by the Heinnycan Groggery so Oi'm grittin' me teeff, dressin' up in orange, an doin me Tabbe Escapin' attempt thar.

[black bart]

"Aaaaaargh" exclaimed Bart in a fearsum rage..."disqualificate me would they...aaargh...no one disqualificates Black bart an lives ta tell thee tale!!!!"

Wiv that Bart kidnaps the smallest weakest lookin judge an in thee blink of about 300 eyes he limps orf toward thee harbour draggin his terrified victim behind him.

"Bwahahahahaaargh" "Bwahahahahaaargh" can be heared trailin orf into thee mist and then sudenleee "Ouch...oh my nose...mummy !" The tiny Korean judge re-appears out o thee mist rubbin his knuckles an re-tightening his Black Karate Belt.