Piratic Poetry

Arrr, I be a pirate!

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Can ye read and write?

No I'm completely dyslexic and illiterate
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18%
I can only spell using a semaphore
8
10%
Only when I use one eyepatch, not two
26
31%
Yes of course ye blaggard, but it's difficult to write with a hook
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Total votes : 83

Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby DaveL on Fri Aug 31, 2012 4:34 am

Oi luv it, except the bit which claims Bart invented the Fish Head Stew. It all be lies Oi tell youse!
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby black bart on Fri Aug 31, 2012 6:04 am

I has nivver claimed to ave hinvented that orrible stuff...but some owe me goode character has become stained wiv it!

An I made good money supplyin it to thee French Navee under thee label of "Madame Fifi's Bouillabaisse" until they noticed they were losin all their sea battles due to sailors chokin on Fish Heads or even worse their farts ignited durin battle:

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The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby DaveL on Fri Aug 31, 2012 7:05 am

YArrr...

It looks like Big Ron was Second Mate on that voyage. But he doesn't need any stew, he just flames naturally.
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby Auntie Blackbeard on Fri Aug 31, 2012 8:19 am

Cap'n Dave Disputed
The Horigins o Fyshe Head Stoo
He swore he had hinvented it
Whilst sittin on thee loo

Like many an omtrepen..ontrepern...hinventor
He forgot where he put his patent
It's no good claimin ownershyppe
When thee plans are all but latent

That blaggard Captain Bart
Always had one eye for a profit
Dave's recipe he usurped
And to thee world he proffered it

Thee flavour is unique
Thee recipe is secret
Thee fish heads are all sourced
From somewhere organic and decent

If only Cap'n Dave
From Thomas Edison had learned
He'd ave a pile o patents
Rising up above his ears
Ye Crows Nest be open fer business me dearies.
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby Ravi Oli on Fri Aug 31, 2012 7:16 pm

Ev'rybody 'as one,
ov thart 'tis planely cleer.
Never moind the boogeyman
As thee root ov child'ood feers.

She awlways overduz 'er makeup,
she givs yer cheeks a squeez.
Thee site ov 'er approachin
makes yer weak in thee kneez.

Thars just sumthin abowt her
Sum'ow puts yer ill at ease.
Wen fillin owt the box marked "sex" sez
"Deerie, as of'en as yer can, please!"

Bye now dear readers ye get moi drift
Oi've gone to far to recant.
Thart the bein' Oi've bean speekin ov...
'Tis ower own Dear Agony Arnt!
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby black bart on Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:51 am

The Image tag shanty

Thee image tags are a bit loik thee riggin
No one notices it until it be broken
No matter how much ye keep friggin
Yer pikturs will not be displayed

Thee riggin's wot holds up thee sails
The tags is wot holds up thee pikturs
An if there be sudden strong gails
Yer sails will be all full o riptures

Now ye can disagree wiv this fact
Ye can point to thee html tags
But when yer posts images lack
Don't go to the admiralty an continually nag

The sails be 200 by 400 square
That's just the size that they are
To catch more wind would be unfair
Facts is facts and that's wot they are!

(dedicated to Pieces)
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby Ravi Oli on Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:44 pm

Arrrrr foine rymmin werk bart... but Oi carnt see thee pikchures. Whar be pieces wen ye need 'er?
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby pieces o'nine on Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:35 pm

Oi respeckfully disagrees wiv yer pome, Bart.

:haha: :fsm_yarr: :haha:




ps: thee broozes frum bein' smacked down for disagreein wiv FAX 'as mostly 'ealed... :haha:
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby black bart on Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:47 am

As yewsyewall it was a fine but one sided contest...a bit like pitting President Lincoln against Genghis Khan in a game of Mongolian head hockey.
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby Roland Deschain on Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:52 am

Nobody Be Noticin'

Thee night were long,
An' thee days were longer.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

Thee fish were large,
But thee squid were larger.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.

Thee sails were full,
But thee loo were fuller.
Nobody be noticin' Cap'n Bart.
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby Ravi Oli on Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:10 am

Roland was the bouncer at the palais de dance
He'd slash your granny's face up given half a chance.
He'd sell you back the pieces, all for less than half a quid
He thought he was the meanest-
Until he met with Savage Sid.

Now Sidney was a greaser with some nasty roots
He poured a pint of guinness over Roland's boots
Roland looked at Sidney:
Sidney stared back in his eye.
Sidney chose a switchblade
And Roland got a cold meat pie.
Oh! what a terrible sight,
Much to the people's delight.
One hell of a fight.

Sidney grabbed a hatchet, buried it in Roland's head.
The people gasped as he bled:
The end of a Ted?

Well, they dragged him from the wreckage of the palais in bits.
They tried to stick together all the bits that would fit.
But some of him was missing
And parts of him you wouldn't know,
So now he works for TFSM
As the bouncer at the Beer Volcano.

[My thanks and apologies to ELP]
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby black bart on Wed Sep 12, 2012 6:11 am

^^
^
:worship:

McGonagall would be proud of us.
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby Ravi Oli on Sun Jun 23, 2013 5:30 pm

Thar once was a pyrate Cap'n bart
well known for 'is ability to fart
and each 'e would light
to 'is crue's great delight
'til thee one that blew 'im apart!
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby black bart on Wed Jun 26, 2013 6:51 am

^Another excellent effort matey....

I shall try to respond in due course. I was recently inspired to write this and e mail it to a Stockport Borough councilor (nothing to do with piracy though):

Ode to a fallen car park tree.

I write a sad tale that gave me the needle
It happened right here in central Cheadle
A sorry sight here met my eye
And caused me to curse unto the sky
The evidence left for all to see
Of the wasteful death of a car park tree
A steel post bent like battered armour
That failed to protect the upright timber
The impact caused by car, van or lorry
The driving must have been quite sorry
A lack of control and,perhaps,excess beer
Had made their steering distinctly queer
So with a crash the pole was bent
And onto our tree the impact was sent
The crack of bark and branch rang out
But naught was heard for no one was about
So in silence our tree met it's doom
Whilst the killers away in their van did zoom
Next day the council arborialists were called
To the sorry scene where our tree was mauled
Naught for them to do but to leave a stump
This sort of thing really gives me the hump
Please protect our trees with sturdy bollards
Because driving like that is a load of *******.

Unfortunately the guy took it seriously and replied saying that Stockport Council could not afford that many bollards!
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Re: Piratic Poetry

Postby DavidH on Wed Jun 26, 2013 9:57 am

Good effort, though, Bart. :fsm_rock:
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