10,000 (more) Commandments

[black bart]

9128: Though shalt remember to don thine underpants whilst shaving in a hotel room for verily the maid mighteth enter at any moment and the wind mighteth wafteth open the bathroom door and verily the maid becometh frightened and upset and needeth to go unto prayer.

[daftbeaker]

9127: If'n thou attendeth thine mother's wedding thou shalt not take anything she says seriously for verily, she shall changeth her mind every bloody 5 minutes and shout when people do anything.

9126: If'n thou ignoreth the last commandment then thou shalt definitely not threaten to wear lederhosen to embarass her for the daft old bint shall buy them and it will backfire when she makes you wear them in public.

9125: When'st thou getteth to the airport thou shalt check your f***ing boarding card and not trust thine sister to know the correct time the plane leaves.

If thou ignorest this commandment then thou may well end up stuck in an airport for 6 hours, spend 200 quid on a new flight and defuse fights between thine mother and thine sister, both of whom are convinced they are right, determined to have an argument, have to have the last word and are incredibly passive-aggressive.

[black bart]

9124: Thou shalt not fill thine gyant tankard with ale and then try to down it one.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

9123 : Thou shalt not arrive at thine employment interview drunken with strong spirits.

9122 : Thou shalt not boast that ye can drink anyone under the table . For that will not impress thee owner of thee inn searching for someone to mind his bar and serve drinks . Verily thee ones that love ye will lose hope and faith and shall knash their teeth in despair .

[black bart]

9121: Thou shalt tell thee senior management person who keeps complaining that she has RSI in both wrists that the reason for her affliction is THAT SHE TYPES LIKE A @@!!!!ING ELEPHANT ON DRUGS!!!!!! Then thou shalt take a deep breath and put thine ear phones on.

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

9120 : Consumeth ye not thee liver of polarr bears nor thee liver of seals , for verily, they doth containeth unclean amounts of vitamine A .

[daftbeaker]

9119: If'n thou wish to make chilli gravy, thou shalt not confuse this

with this


Verily, the Tabasco shall give it a nice flavour and the Encona shall try to remove thine nostrils.

[black bart]

^
9119b. When visiting the jolly isles of the Western Indies, thou shalt not try to buy the equivalent hot pepper sauce from a shop in the village...for verily, though it appears to be a similar product and bareth the reassuring name of 'Ma Brown's Hot Pepper Sauce'(contained in an old Lucozade bottle), thou shall regretteth this purchase and, having lost the roof of thine mouth, thou shalt decide not to bring the sauce home to Blighty.

[Roy Hunter]

9118: thou shalt not idly speculate what the woman you bought your house from did with the money, lest she pull up beside you in the street in her new open-top sports car and tell you about her holiday in Corfu.

[black bart]

9117: Thou shalt attempt the maths for the above Commandment...Holiday in Corfu (bearing in mind Greece's economic woes) £250...Open topped Sports car:

About £300 = Roy's House £550.

[daftbeaker]

About £300 = Roy's House £550.

Is that in Scottish money?

[Mad Willyum Bonney]

Sorry to here about Rpys house prollums
A she he didnt sendee a return airfare , I would have inspected the house free of charge .

Edoy; pops ! Wrong thtead

[black bart]

9116: Thou shalt invest in new technology.

[Roy Hunter]

9115: like a new sports car, for instance...

[black bart]

9114: Thou shalt not let the new technology take over thine life.