Snowmen

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Snowmen

Postby tisme on Sat Dec 29, 2012 1:18 pm

Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other





















can you smell carrots
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Re: Snowmen

Postby Roy Hunter on Mon Dec 31, 2012 1:40 pm

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
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Re: Snowmen

Postby tisme on Mon Dec 31, 2012 2:21 pm

2 monkeys in the bath and one says "ooh ooh ah ah"

the other one says "well put some bloody cold water in then".
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Re: Snowmen

Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:23 pm

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Re: Snowmen

Postby ET, the Extra Terrestrial on Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:45 pm

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, "hey, how do you drive this thing?"
"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens."
("Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.")
-- Friedrich Schiller (1759–1805)
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
-- Philip K Dick

OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
-- Dr. Joy

English isn't much of a language for swearing. When I studied Ancient Greek I was delighted to discover a single word - Rhaphanidosthai - which translates roughly as "Be thou thrust up the fundament with a radish for adultery."
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Re: Snowmen

Postby Roy Hunter on Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:20 pm

A woman walks into a bar. She says to the barman "Give me an entendre. In fact, make it a double." So the barman gives her one.
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks.
"To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine.
"One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln.
"If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.
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Re: Snowmen

Postby PKMKII on Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:00 am

A catholic priest, a baptist preacher, and a rabbi are all chaplains at a small, Midwest college. They get together every Friday to talk shop and drink coffee, and at one of these meetings one of them comes up with the idea that it's easy to preach to students. No, the real challenge would be to convert a bear.

So they decide to go out that weekend to find a bear to convert, and then meet back up next Friday to report. The next Friday, the catholic priest goes first. He's got a black eye, arm's in a sling. He says "Well I went a walking in the forest, and came about a brown bear. I started teaching the catechism to him, but that bear would 'ave none of that. He attacked me, and tossed me about, until a vial of me holy water came loose and splashed him. Well, then he became as gentle as a lamb. He's going to take his first communion next week."

The baptist preacher goes next. He's got two broken legs, broken arm, neck's in a brace, and he's in a wheelchair. He says "Well I didn't do any of that namby-pamby papist crap! I marched straight into dem woods, found myself a bear, and started preachin' the word of the LORD at that bear. But that bear, he ain't havin' none of it! He attacks me, and we 'rassle up one hill, and 'rassle down another, 'til we get to a stream and I dunk his head in, and baptize him in the name of the LORD! That calmed him right down. We're goin' around campus to convert heathens next week."

Last is the rabbi. He's in a full body cast, IV drip, surrounded by medical equipment. He says very weakly, "On second thought, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to start with the circumcision..."
"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed'? Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.'" - Carl Sagan

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection." - Henri Poincaré
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Re: Snowmen

Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Tue Jan 01, 2013 3:21 am

—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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Re: Snowmen

Postby tisme on Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:53 pm

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?She gave him the cold shoulder

What are snowmen's favorite breakfast food?Frosted Flakes.

What do snowmen eat for lunch?Icebergers.

Where do snowmen put their webpages? On the winternet.

Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman? A: A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head,

What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
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Re: Snowmen

Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:58 pm

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—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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Re: Snowmen

Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff on Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:13 am

That's not Frosty. Frosty the snowman had a button nose, not a carrot nose.
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Re: Snowmen

Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:47 am

Haven't you ever heard of a nose job?
—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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Re: Snowmen

Postby Almighty Doer of Stuff on Wed Jan 02, 2013 4:10 am

Fair, but Frosty also could not move without his magical top hat. Without it he was a regular, run-of-the-mill, inanimate snowman, certainly unable to browse carrots in a grocery store!
!!!@#@#@#@#@!!! CAUTION: THIS PERSON DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. DISREGARD ANY APPEALS TO AUTHORITY, EXPERIENCE, OR ROMANTIC PROWESS. ANY CORRECT INFORMATION YOU RECEIVE FROM THIS MAN IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. !!!@#@#@#@#@!!!
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Re: Snowmen

Postby Rev. Rowan Redbeard on Wed Jan 02, 2013 4:15 am

Oh, sure.

Bring logic into a discussion about a magical snowman. :moon:
—Captain the Reverend Lord C.S. Rowan, Lord of Glencoe, Minister of Pastafarianism, Gentleman Pirate

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Re: Snowmen

Postby black bart on Wed Jan 02, 2013 8:22 am

I tried building a snowman once but I got about half way through and I had stop because I was flaked out.
The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.
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