The Captain's Log

[Roy Hunter]

Yarr date π/e/1968

I fink I found a pitcher o' Cap'n DaveL's new wench. Bloody hippies...

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

That be hilarious Roy...

[black bart]

Alan needs ta join us Pyrates on thee forum...thee man is an artistic genyeous...an he can spell big words.

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Can we put that picture in Playbilge?

[Nef Yoo BlackBeard]

Deer capinz log how ar ye ?/ i iz fine rrrr um yesserday et wuz a darrk an sturmy nite now et be a bite an sunny day rrrr i gunna sell allllllll me wadermilin blud fer tuppinz a sip an din i gunna git a nuuuuuu jyint hatt! Cuz ellybuddy shootid holz in dis wun rrrrrrrrr

[black bart]

Capn's Lorrg Yarrgh dayte 1777

Aarrgh...parcel arrived on deck from Cap'n Mad Willyum Bonney via thee Albatross Mail Service...

When annuver Pyrate sends ye a parcel ye'r suspishuns ought ta be himmediately arroused...

Be it thee head of a close friend?

Be it yer own head?...says he, feelin around his neck...

Be it a smokin bomb?

Be it a shark?

Be it a plague o revenoooo men cunninglee hid within?

Always get thee cabin boy to open it whilst danglin over thee side...

"Wot is it?" I arsks from thee safety of me cabin window...

"It be a gyant tankard and a load o sweets Cap'n" says thee cabin boy, munchin sounds comin from below...

Best let him try em first.

[pieces o'nine]

Janyoowary Sumfink

My 'arrrght baint in hinsultin thee crewe ternoight; oi bin wotchin one ov Errol Flynns' (me old cabbin bouy's) moshun pitchers, Thee Havenchurs ov Don Juan.

Errol, ye knows oi luvs ye, but wot self-respecktyin pyrate leepes hinto a doorway wiv a "ta-Da" jestchur? An ye does hit abitchewal, loike. 'As ye no shayme, man?

Also, 'ow many toimes ave oi begged ye not ter rap a dresser scarf arownd yer 'ead, lad, ye looks loike a roight git. Oi *begs* ye t'axe me fer fashun hadvyce. Ye may keepe thee verra noice tyghtes an ...
TAYKE YER LIPPES ORF THAT HUSSY THEE SO-CALLED-QUEEN ROIGHT THIS MINNIT!
... thass' roight, ye *better* be leevin thee Spanish Court, iffen ye knows wot be beste, ye two-tymin', dresser scarf warin', doorway leepin', absent wivout leeve from thee Mad Moggies Revenge cabbin bouy/slash/hacktor ...

[black bart]

Capn's Log Yarr date Janoorree 76...or is it 77...

I don't knows thee toim of day since thee rum ran out...

Why does thee rum run out alf way through thee voyage?

Why don't we stock more rum...or ave shorter voyages?

Why be we stuck in the Sargasso Sea in thee middle of Carnivorous Sea Weed, Surrounded by sharks and wiv a Bengal Tyger on board?

WHY?

(Insert Amusing Song wiv Jolly Dancing Pyrates here and Call it: "Life o Pi Thee Moosical")

[Griffin]

Cap'ns Logarithmic 3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 70679

Assailed by constant roaring comin' from the directiun of a small pirate ship on the horizon approximately 3:8:29:44:1 miles north of south - forgot to pack ear plugs

[black bart]

Cap'ns Logarithmic 3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 70679

Assailed by constant roaring comin' from the directiun of a small pirate ship on the horizon approximately 3:8:29:44:1 miles north of south - forgot to pack ear plugs

I never heard such tom fooleree...ear plugs be a vital component ov any Pyrate ...wot appens if ye encounters sirens?

[DaveL]

Captains YArr Date: Feb 1713
Location: Vatican City

YArrrr...

Got blown off course in the Mediterranean and got blown off course. Oi landed in a strange insular land the size of a postage stamp!

Can someone tell me why there be Swiss Guards be wearing fruity dated costumes in the middle of Italy? Apparently they be Swiss Catholic types that are abstainin' from wimmin . Poor buggers! Oi'd be strugglin' at bein' Swiss as well.

And what is it with all those men runnin' around in frocks tellin' me to stay away from Fifi's, or to look the other way when someone drops the soap. I haven't seen too many wenches around 'ere either.

Oi thinks this Port O'Vatican be a bit a little bit weird for me tastes.

Look out Fifi's, we are heading for Portsmouth. Oi thinks we be needin' reassurance - if ye know what Oi mean.

[black bart]

Capn's Logge Yarrrgh date Febrooarrrghy

Thee pope has resigned...I wonder what caused that.

[Griffin]

Cap'n Feb 29 I fink

The Holy Sea be becalmed terday on accownt that Big Man made 'is last h'appeerance on Deck 'an now ther be no wun ter keep the Waves waving. Oi jest 'ope 'e gets a desent pensiun.

[black bart]

Capn's Log Yarrgh date etc etc

Thee Hole Sea be trubbled again. Wot wiv Cardinals denying they hever touched their cabin boys an then hadmittin they only had one thing on their mind...tis a wonder there aint a whirlpool wiv purple mitre hats goin round an round in it.