With all due tongue-in-cheek respect to the efforts of the Loose Cannon crew, I feel like an actual guide for people who have become ordained but do not posses good stagecraft or improv skills might be in order. Pastafarian monisters get called in the place of (typically) christian ministers to fulfill serious roles. At funerals, weddings, and other major social events, the Irreverent can bridge the gap between the other religions and the desires of pastafarians, atheists and agnostics.
And I'm not saying that there wouldn't be room for some fun, far from it. But a smattering of wedding procedures ranging from the sit-com shorty to the Pastafarian version of the Great Mass would give Monisters a basis from which to launch their own personalized campaign. And for funerals, well I'll let this quote inspire you:
You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him/her that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let him/her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her/his eyes, that those photons created within her/him constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.
And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly.
So, does this seem like a worthy cause? Are other Monisters interested in such an idea?